


Everything I left behind

by NightShadow1607



Series: Everything I didn't say [1]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Clay | Dream & Technoblade Friendship (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Dave | Technoblade and Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Fluff and Angst, Gen, Ghost Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), but some characters will be mentioned and/or will show up, the tags are weird i'm sorry, this is most about dream ghostbur tommy phil (and techno sometimes)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 27,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28231422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightShadow1607/pseuds/NightShadow1607
Summary: Ghostbur finds a new friend and Tommy doesn't know how to feel about this.(Inspired by Monophobia - LampLight143)[Edit: 25000! Let's go! Thank you so much! Have a lovely day!]
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Wilbur Soot, Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: Everything I didn't say [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2085108
Comments: 450
Kudos: 1909





	1. I travel through paths that lead me to the unknown

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Monophobia](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28097148) by [LampLight143](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LampLight143/pseuds/LampLight143). 



> (English is not my first language and if you are LampLight143, please tell me if you are offended and want me to delete this work)
> 
> I don't know if this is going to have more chapters
> 
> tw// suicide, drowning; be careful, ok? :)

It was a cold sensation against his back that slowly reached his entire body.

Diving in pure blue and just getting lost in the deep.

His eyes were closed, but he still felt the light against his eyelids. Dream hasn't moved a muscle since he threw himself, letting gravity pull him to the bottom. His lungs filled with water, expanding and contracting, his body asked for air automatically, but Dream forced himself to continue descending. His limbs started to spasm, he started coughing underwater and the cold burned his face with everything inside him, marking his skin with sickly purple.

The words of all the people he met vibrated in his head, from the beginning of the server until that moment. Dream began to reflect on his final moments, he reflected on how horrible he was even with good intentions, how power was too much for him and how nothing could be fixed if he didn't leave it all behind.

And with one last breath, the dark was the only thing that welcomed him in the cold.

* * *

-Let's go Friend! Tommy is probably looking for us!

Ghostbur floated a few inches above the snow, dragging the blue-skinned sheep everywhere. Luckily, Ghostbur couldn't forget his way back to Techno's base if it weren't for the compass, but he preferred not to risk a blizzard while he had no protection, he was sensitive.

Ghostbur took his eyes off the compass for a moment to check Friend when he saw a blue silhouette in the distance, near the ice coast and in the middle of the ocean.

Blue always caught Ghostbur's attention.

-Hi! - he shouted and waved, but the entity was immobile. Ghostbur was confused and curious.

-Friend- he turned to the sheep that ate a trail of grass that survived the snow- Stay here, and don't leave.

He floated excitedly toward the silhouette, smiling and thinking about meeting someone else.

As he got closer, the shape became clearer, revealing a shabby, cold blue sweatshirt, ripped jeans in the same condition, muddy boots and a broken axe stuck to his side.

-Hey you! - Ghostbur realized that the stranger was like him, floating a good number of centimeters above the water.

The ghost turned its face to the other, almost frightened by the sad face mask. It was a wet, almost cracked porcelain, dirty from wear and tear, letting the blond hair protrude from the hood above the head.

-Hi! Do you have a name?- The one in the yellow sweater asked.

The ghost shook his head.

-Can I call you blue?

The ghost nodded and Ghostbur smiled even more, approaching and wrapping his arm around his neck, guiding away from the ocean.

-So, hi Blue! I am Ghostbur and that is Friend over there - he pointed to the sheep, who was obediently waiting with a bored face - We are going to our house. Tommy is probably waiting for us, but I think we can bring you, too. Are you sad, Blue? It's because blue means that people are sad. And why don't you have a name? Not that I claim to call you blue.

Blue didn't answer any of these and the following questions, leaving Ghostbur to babble on and on with his new friend.

* * *

Tommyinnit was working at Ghostbur's house next to Techno's, stacking wooden boards and mumbling about how the ghost had left him alone with the heavy lifting. He was also slightly concerned about a chance of blizzard melting his mate, but no one needs to know that.

His hammering against the nails was interrupted by Ghostbur's scream.

-Tommy! - The ghost waved happily and Tommy turned, facing a friend and a very familiar person.

The boy screamed in despair and he put his hands against his face, letting the hammer fall into the snow. The blonde expected blows with an axe, or an explosion and maybe screams, but nothing came.

-Tommy, what happened?- Ghostbur asked confused- Did you see anything? Here, have some blue.

Tommy reluctantly removed his hands from his face as the yellowish ghost filled his inventory with blue. Tommy didn't understand why Dream didn't attack him and he can finally find out why. The mask was no longer an empty smiling face, but a sad face, and the bright green sweatshirt so well known now was a deep blue.

-Dream? What the hell happened to you?

-Dream? This is not Dream, this is Blue! - Ghostbur looked annoyed that Tommy had confused his friend.

-Ghostbur, this is clearly Dream... it's actually very obvious- Tommy was already getting frustrated, rubbing his eyes with his gloved hands.

The said ghost moved until it came face to face with 'Dream' and the two faced each other, until Ghostbur laughed.

-Tommy, don't be silly. Dream has a smiling face and Dream is not a ghost.

-Ghost? What are you- OH MY GOD! - The bluish ghost floated a few inches above the snow, still without saying a word.

-See?

-Oh my God. Dream died! - Tommy ignored Ghostbur, starting to have a small breakdown and whisper to himself - What does that mean? Does it mean that I can go back to L’manburg? How Dream died? What- my friend died...

-Uh, Tommy…? - Ghostbur asked cautiously and the blonde seemed to come out of his trance.

\- Holy shit! Ok, ok… Ghostbur, what are you-

-I'm so sorry.

Tommy and Ghostbur looked at the new companion in question. Tommy almost passed out on hearing Dream's voice apologizing and Ghostbur smiled widely, hugging the other ghost.

-Blue, that's your first word!

Dream turned to the other blonde, who shuddered by the intense stare.

-I'm so sorry.

Tommyinnit was more than confused, but his thoughts were interrupted by another voice.

-Did I miss something?

Phil was a few steps away from them, with black wings spread and the Antarctic Empire uniform well placed. He seemed to smile with more confusion than his son.

-Look Phil! I made a friend! - Ghostbur guided Dream to greet the eldest.

-Oh, I didn't know you and Dream were on good terms.

-We're not ... we weren't ... oh this is very confusing! - Tommy put his hands in his hair, causing Phil to be slightly worried.

-Tommy is being dramatic about it. This is Blue, he doesn't speak, but he is a friend!

-I'm sorry- Dream said to Phil, who smiled confused but friendly.

-Uh, Wilbur, I'm sure this is Dream. Nobody uses an axe like this one, as far as I know.

Ghostbur seemed to ignore him and guided Dream into the Techno base saying that he will introduce him to the surroundings. Leaving Phil and Tommy alone.

-So… do you know what happened?


	2. I'm cold even when everyone is warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream writes and cuddles because Ghostbur is a little warm (for a ghost)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Techno's base is slightly different, but I think you can notice.
> 
> A lot of people wanted a second chapter, so here it go!
> 
> :)

-So ... do you know what happened?

Phil stared at the youngest, who was still looking at the door through which the other two ghosts entered. Tommy turned his gaze to the older man and coughed, trying not to get out of focus.

-No! Of course not! Ghostbur appeared with Dream some seconds ago-the tone of his voice was more like a question than a statement- I really don't know what happened. We haven't met in a while, at least not directly.

-I see...- Phil put his hand on his chin and tried to remember if he had heard anything about Dream in L'manburg, but his daydreams were cut off by the snowflakes that began to fall from the sky, he smiled and approached Tommy, leading to the base- Why don't we enter? We will be freezing soon.

The base was cozier than the outside, welcoming the two humans with the warmth of a fireplace that Ghostbur probably lit. Phil shrugged his wings and removed his hat and cape, putting it on a clothes rack nearby, while Tommy went after Ghostbur, still wary of the ghost of Dream near his friend.

Luckily, it didn't take long to find them upstairs, with Ghostbur presenting his library that was pulled from the sewer and brought to the north and that was just waiting to be moved to the ghost and boy's new home. Dream was embraced with an unknown book and just watched the pages that Ghostbur showed with excitement, presenting stories that were written by the members of the server.  
Tommy narrowed his eyes at the sad mask and the broken axe, finally being able to perceive things he hadn't noticed before. Taking off his mask, his powerful axe, now broken, and his sweatshirt vibrating blue, Dream was entirely wet, with his muddy boots and everything soaked and his hands pale and with purple spots, unlike Ghostbur who was completely gray. He shivered feeling as if he were outside, in the storm, that makeshift library was much colder than the other floor, even though the heat from the fireplace could get there.

Tommy decided to meddle and walked over to the two spirits, being greeted by Ghostbur.

-Tommy! I was presenting my books to Blue! He really liked the National Anthem of L'manburg.

Now that the boy was close, he could see the book in Dream's arms and that he was getting slightly damp. Tommy jerked the book away from the ghost that didn't move.

-Tommy!- Ghostbur put his hands on his waist and made a face of disappointment- It is very bad to take things from others without permission! You could have asked Blue.

-Ghostbur, this is Dream! And he was wetting your book!- Tommy started to dry the book with his coat as he stared irritably at Dream.

-I'm sorry- Dream said and Ghostbur put his arm around his new friend's neck.

-Still, it's not cool or polite!

-Whatever- Tommy rolled his eyes and put the book on the shelf, turning to go up the stairs- I'll see what Phil is doing.

Ghostbur and Dream followed the living up the stairs and found the older man with a tea tray on the coffee table near the enderman Techno kept. Phil handed Tommy one of the mugs and sat in the small chair. Tommy wasn't a big fan of tea, but he liked something hot to preserve the heat inside him.

-Phil! Can Blue stay with us? He can stay with me and Tommy in the new cabin!- Ghostbur asked cheerfully to his father, still hugging Dream, who seemed to stick his head under the other's chin and was leaning against the shoulder covered in the yellow sweater. The mask still had the sad face, but the eyes were closed, like he was sleeping.

-Uh... of course Wil, the house is yours- he laughed softly and took a sip of his drink.

-We still need to know how he died- Tommy said grimly and Ghostbur gasped and covered the ghost's ears, with the mask opening its eyes.

-Tommy! - he warned and whispered cautiously- You know it's not cool to talk about the death of others.

Phil couldn't stand it and laughed, trying to hide it with a hand over his mouth.

-But it's true. You can't just accept that the most evil of the server simply died in the unknown!

-Phil, say Tommy is being mean to Blue! - he pleaded with his father, who is still laughing softly

-That's ridiculous! - Tommy threw his hands in the air, exasperated

-Does he remember anything?- Phil took a deep breath and finally calmed down, now watching Dream, who hugged Ghostbur, hiding the mask on Ghostbur's chest.

-I don't know. He didn't say much- Ghostbur returned the dead companion's hug.

-I'm sorry- Dream said muffled by the sweater.

-No problem, Dream.

-I'm sorry- the whine was repeated, making Phil frown.

-He just says that- Tommy said, rolling his eyes again- He even apologized to me, Dream would never apologize.

-I'm so sorry.

-Ghostbur, you can help him remember his memories, right? As you did with your book- Phil suggested.

-Oh! Good idea Phil! Maybe Blue can write his memories! - he guided his friend to his feet and took him upstairs again leaving the other two talking.

-What do you think happened?- Phil asked the other son.

-I really don't know. I don't know anything about what happened while he was in L'manburg- Tommy poked at the hem of his jacket while he thought.

-If... he died- Phil hesitated and drank his tea again- We will have to find the body and warn the others.

-Where do you think we should look?

-I have an idea, but we will have to wait for the notes... and maybe Techno.

-What? Why?- Tommy asked, confused.

-Let's start telling whoever's closest.

They were both silent, listening to the sounds of the enderman beside them and Ghostbur humming upstairs until Tommy whispered.

-Do you think... does that mean I can go back?

Phil leaned back against the chair, staring at the ceiling.

-I really don't know Tommy- he sighed- Tubbo and L'manburg must make that decision.

Tommy nodded and finally had his tea, now iced by waiting.

* * *

A little towards the end of the afternoon, the snow was still falling and a little more intense, but the red and pink of the sunset could still be seen. Phil decided to go up and check the two ghosts, finding them leaning against the bookcase, with both holding each other and Dream watching the end of the day through the window. It was abnormally cold if compared with the rest of the house. Ghostbur looked up from the book he was reading and smiled at the older man.

-Hello Phil!- he said, but making no move to get up- Blue didn't want to leave me.

-I see- he smiled and approached the two- Is he finished yet?

-Yes, yes!- the yellowish handed the book- I read a little, but don't tell Blue.

-I thought ghosts didn't sleep- He flipped through the pages, still watching the mask with a sad face.

-And we don't. But Blue isn't paying attention, so he doesn't need to know- and winked, making Phil laugh and turn his attention back to the book, still listening to Ghostbur.

-His memories... are sad, Phil- the ghost declared anguished- He has some good memories at first, but they become bad.

The winged human read the pages carefully, coming across the memories of Dream, or alive Dream, and many written apologies.

_What you remember - by ** ~~Blue~~**_

_A headband against the wind and glasses, all together and laughter._

_**I'm so sorry** _

_A tall brick house full of chests_

_Discs_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_A drug van_

_A blue, white and red flag_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_Blue uniforms_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_A bow and arrow_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_New faces_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_A fox_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_A mine cart_

_An election_

_Horns and suit_

_A black flag_

_Hunters and a demon_

_Fireworks_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_A red cape_

_I **'m so sorry**_

_Explosives_

_A crown_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_War_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_A podium_

_Explosions_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_Withers_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_Wings and a sword_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_A great wall_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_A boat and a beach_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_Screams and anger_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_Broken_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_A hill_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_Water_

**_I'm so sorry_ **

_Cold_

**_I'M sO SoRRy_ **

**_i'm SO SORry_ **

**_iM So sOrrY_ **

~~**_I DON'T REMEMBER_ ** ~~

Phil closed the book and handed it back to Ghostbur, still thinking of the phrases written.

-He has no injuries, like mine- Phil couldn't help shuddering whenever his son mentioned things related to his death, but Ghostbur didn't seem to see or care.

-So he didn't die in battle- Phil sat in front of the two and watched the bluish- Wil, why exactly Drea-- sorry, Blue is so attached to you?

-Oh! Maybe because I'm warm.

-But ghosts are cold...?

-Blue is much colder than me. In comparison, I'm like a candle- he smiled warmly and patted Dream's mask, which seemed to nestle even more with his new friend, still looking out the window- And I'm dry.

Phil had noticed that, too. The book had wet handprints and Dream was soaked, as if he had dived for hours, not to mention the marks of hypothermia on his pale skin.

These facts pointed to his first idea of how it all happened.

A knock at the door startled the three and the familiar voice made Phil get up to go down the stairs and Ghostbur to help Dream, who looked bewildered. Technoblade and Tommyinnit were talking at the door when the three went down and found them, Techno's eyes fixed on Dream for a few seconds before looking at Phil, who nodded in a clear sign that everything would be discussed later.

-Techno!- Ghostbur smiled and pulled Dream closer- This is Blue! He's my new friend!

-Uh ... This is very good, Ghostbur- Techno removed the cover and put it together with Phil's cover- But I thought that blue sheep was your friend.

-Oh! Friend is a friend too. Blue liked him.

-Has he ever written anything? - Tommy asked- You were up there almost all day.

-He wrote enough- Phil replied and moved to the kitchen, smiling- I hope you are hungry.

Tommy smiled and followed Phil, with Techno lazily following and Ghostbur pulled Dream up to the family.


	3. I'm like a broken disc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Techno deserves answers and Dream has good taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The discs are based in my taste because I don't know nothing about the discs Dream and Tommy like. I'm sorry.
> 
> Also, I don't know how to describe music.
> 
> :)

After dinner, Ghostbur guided Dream out of the kitchen at Phil's request, for Tommy and him to explain to Techno what happened. Everyone was silent until Technoblade raised their eyebrows.

-So... should I assume that my "rival", Dream, just died?

-You could say that- Phil replied simply.

-I'm not sure if it's him, really. It could be another ghost with a mask- Tommy crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, skeptical.

-According to the events of the server that you told me, the memories match- Phil said and held out the memory book for both of them- There are some things there that are almost the same as Wilbur's memories in terms of clarity, but there are differences because they are different people, obviously.

Techno flipped through the book with Tommy peeking at the side, and the boy realized that many things there were familiar and that they were memories of things Dream participated in, it couldn't be a coincidence, but Tommy didn't want to believe that.

-Why are there so many apologies? - he asked the moment Techno closed the book.

-Ghosts have weights that bind them in the world of the living- Techno said and returned the book to Phil- At least in all legends they are like that. Ghostbur seems to be the only differential case.

-I just don't believe he just... died? I mean, I always imagined he would die in a more dramatic way- Tommy said- Because he is one of the most powerful and blah blah...

-Death can come in different ways, sometimes not the way we expect- Phil said and settled himself in his chair- Do you have any idea how to proceed?

-A funeral. We should find the body. It's the minimum.

-He didn't deserve a funeral... he did bad things- Tommy said, disagreeing with Technoblade.

-It's not a question of deserving, Tommy. It is a matter of leaving at least part of it in peace, perhaps it will help the soul to rest.

-I should come back. Warn Ranboo and L'manburg, say we're finally free of the bad guy.

-And all that plan to end the government?! The plan I prepared and that you agreed on!- Techno was euphoric.

-I never said I wanted to destroy L'manburg. I said I wanted my discs back! Now that Dream has died...- Tommy hesitated for a moment.

As much as Dream was the cause of his exile and Dream was just looking out for him, everything still seemed uncertain in Tommy's head. Dream visited him when no one did, of course he sabotaged his beach party, but for some time, Dream seemed more genuine... it was like a double-edged sword.

-I agree with Techno about finding the body- Phil said finally after the silence that Tommy caused- I have a slightly idea of where he is.

-The sea- Techno replied and Phil nodded- There are descriptions of the ocean in the book.

-So are we going to look for his body?- Tommy asked.

-Not now, the storm is more intense and it is more difficult to search in the dark.

-Right. I'll see what those two are doing- Tommy got up and left the kitchen, leaving the older ones alone.

-You noticed, didn't you?

Phil blinked and faced Techno.

-He has no apparent wound- Techno said- There are no stains.

-There is a chance- Phil murmured -I hope it's not that, but it's still an alternative. I prefer not to tell any of them, until I'm sure.

-I think it's better that way, then.

* * *

When Tommy left the kitchen, he found Ghostbur and Dream in the room next to the record player, with Dream leaning against the machine and Ghostbur looking for something in a chest.

-Uh, hey Dream...- Tommy approached the bluish ghost who stared at him in silence.

-I'm so sorry.

-You don't really know other words, do you?

-We still need to see that!- Ghostbur replied with half his body still in the chest, fiddling with junk- What word do you want him to learn?

-I have no idea- Tommy sat on the other side of the machine- Maybe something cool, like a bad word!

-No swearing, Tommy!- the boy grunted before turning confused to Ghostbur

-What are you looking for there?

-I found it!- he came out of the chest holding a pile of music discs.

-What are you going to do with it?

-I wanted to show him music, to see if he has some fun- the yellow ghost declared smiling and approaching the record player.

-I hope Ghost Dream doesn't have disc thief instincts- Tommy murmured to himself, but he got a disc in his head by Ghostbur anyway.

-Don't be rude to Blue. I'm sure he'll like it- he turned to Dream and held out the records- Which one do you want?

Dream moved slowly, like a sloth, reaching out a pale marked hand by the discs before leaning on a blue disc.

-Oh 'Wait'! It's a good record, do you want to play it?

-'Wait'? That isn't a good record- Tommy complained.

-Ignore Tommy, I'm going to play it for you- Ghostbur said and put the record on the platform and then moved the needle, listening to the sound of the recording and slowly increasing the volume.

The music was a lively beat, but at the same time calm, somehow. As if it were a perfect song for a walk or for an adventure. His beat was decreasing in the middle of the song, leaving only a calm instrumental and soon returning at the end of the song.

Ghostbur withdrew the needle and carefully picked up the disc.

-This was not a bad session- he said, handing the record to Dream, who held out his hands in the air, asking like a child pleading for a toy.

-Eh... I still think my records are better- Tommy said, but he didn't think the music was all bad.

-Do you want to choose another one?- He asked Dream, who was clinging to the disk, like a teddy bear. Dream nodded weakly and chose a white record.

They played several records that were in the cabin, with Dream embracing at least four of the records he liked best. Phil and Techno got together during one of the songs, and Tommy liked a few other records as well.

Maybe for a moment, it didn't look like someone had died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt this chapter was too short, I'm sorry.
> 
> :(


	4. My room becomes the sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade, Phil and Tommy go to a journey, and a funeral is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! I'm so happy.
> 
> Ok so, I got my first fanart made by @pottedcacti on instagram and it's so good and cute! Please, go in their perfil.
> 
> Merry Christmas!
> 
> tw// description of corpse

That morning was born without a storm, but the accumulated snow still made it difficult to walk. The sky was clear and cloudless, and it was possible to hear some birds singing farther away. It was a search day, so Phil made Tommy wake up early, to the sadness of the youngest, and Techno prepared some supplies in case they were going to be late.

At Techno's suggestion, Ghostbur should stay with Dream on the base. None of them knew the consequences of a ghost finding its own body and chose not to take any chances.

They left shortly after breakfast, after Tommy made Ghostbur promise that he would finish part of the cabin, since he didn't want to do all the work alone.

Unfortunately, the Techno 'island' was surrounded by water, so it would take time to find the specific border. The boat was the best option, so Phil and Tommy went in one, and Techno went in the other. Looking for things under water isn’t an easy thing and diving in icy northern waters was almost out of the question, but there were no other alternatives.

Tommy hated the experience.

Some night vision potions were used during the search and it looked like they found everything but Dream. Tommy found the ruins of a boat and many interesting items, he also had certain encounters with hostile drowners and some dolphins.

It was almost noon when they found something.

Phil was the one who found it first, actually. After hours of finding nothing on boat, he began flying in nearby areas, circling perimeters out of the water to see suspiciously broken ice or any trail that Dream left behind that night.

An empty bag of items left on the edge of a hill was enough. There were some dry blood in the snow and rocks, and threads and pieces of green fabric stuck in the branches of the trees.

-He really was here- Tommy whispered.

Tommy dived for the first time without complaint in that morning, slightly worried, but not wanting to admit it. The effects of the vision potion were wearing off when he reached a green line in the middle of the water, pulling and guiding himself almost to the bottom.

Tommy didn't know if he was going to puke or come back up, not wanting to continue, but he did it anyway.

Dream had almost dark blond hair and his face was full of freckles and some minor scars, but there was one in the middle of his forehead that cut diagonally up to his cheek, and marks on his head, like he hit something, his green sweatshirt was faded and there were some loose lines, his pants had tears in its knee area and his boots were stuck in the algae.

Perhaps the worst part was his eyes. Tommy had never seen Dream's eyes, one day Techno commented they were green like brilliant emeralds, but they didn't look like the description, the eyes were translucent and unfocused, gray and lifeless, with marks of sleep deprivation under them.

He wanted to see his face, but not in that way.

Tommy pulled Dream up and draped it over his shoulders, swimming back to the surface. Phil and Techno were standing by and pulled him ashore. Even before he recovered his breath, a heavy blanket was already on his shoulders and Phil surrounded him with gray wings, trying to keep him as warm as possible.

Now above the water, Dream's body was a sickly pale bluish, with purple spots and purple lips from the cold, emanating cold and a morbid aura. Panting, he let himself lean against Phil, his lips trembling.

Tommy didn't stop looking at Dream on the way home.

* * *

When they arrived, Ghostbur appeared with a hammer and a smile on his face, excited and showing the cabin next to Techno's almost ready, with Ghost Dream helping awkwardly breaking logs in the background. Neither of them had enough emotion to greet them both with joy, which earned them many blues from Ghostbur.  
Dream's body was on Techno's shoulders and covered with a sheet, hidden from view. Phil guided Tommy to the base and made a hot chocolate for the boy, who was still shivering. This distraction was enough for Techno to bury the body without any of the ghosts seeing.

There were no flowers because it was a cold place, nor visits because it was an isolated place and because it was a secret base, and the people that Dream loved were on the other side of the sea, oblivious to the friend who had left.

Techno didn't know if he found it depressing or slightly painful to his old friend.

He listened to the records Dream had loved from last night, being played in the cabin, not bothering if anyone could hear them and continuing to dig until the hole could be completely filled.

Phil appeared a little later, with a candle lit and the other three behind, with Tommy warmer and Ghostbur leading Dream slowly, a little less oblivious to what was going on. Ghostbur gave his ghost friend a sad smile and Phil turned to Dream.

-Hey friend- he said calmly, so as not to frighten the ghost- There is something we do... when people go to the other side.

-I'm sorry.

-It's called a funeral- Phil was not bothered by the lack of response- It's like a ceremony, but sad, to pay homage to the one who died.

-It is usually provided by loved ones, but we think it is better to do it alone. Until you remember better.

He guided the ghost to the dug spot, Dream looked at the makeshift tomb and floated gently above the earth.

They noticed when he started to shake slightly and a few drops wet the floor, with apologies getting louder with each drop.

-I'm sorry...

-I'm sorry...

-I'm sorry...

Ghostbur felt part of his finger melt and looked up, seeing some flakes falling from the sky. He shuddered and left his friend reluctantly, wanting to be supportive, but not wanting to melt completely. Phil watched as well and guided Tommy into the house, preserving his son's temperature. Techno took one last look at the sad ghost and sighed, leaving him alone, thinking it would be better this way.

The broken axe began to shine as the flakes became a storm.

* * *

Phil decided to leave before dark. Even if he wanted to stay with his children, Phil preferred to go back to L'manburg before the butchers were to stick to him again, there were still some tensions since the failed execution some time ago. He left Tommy wrapped in a blanket, still worried about his health, promised to get some other things Ghostbur had left in the sewer and promised Techno that he would travel safely.

Dream had not left the grave since the funeral.

The sun had already set and the house was shining with lamps and a fireplace. Techno was polishing his weapons in a corner, while Ghostbur read a book with Tommy snooping a few times, but keeping his eyes on the window, watching the blue ghost, he didn't notice that his brother was watching him too.

-Tommy?

-Hm?

-Can you take Blue a blanket?

-What?- The boy took his eyes from the window for a moment and looked at Ghostbur, who was still looking at Dream.

-He looks like he's freezing.

-Ghostbur, ghosts don't feel cold!

-But he likes warm things.

-So why don't you go over there and deliver it yourself?

The yellow ghost looked at him impassively.

-Right... uh, Techno can do that!

-I really prefer not to- he said with a bored face.

-What?!

-Please Tommy...- Ghostbur pulled a blanket and looked at the youngest with the eyes of a kicked dog, he even pouted.

-Ugh! Fine!- He got up and pulled the blanket roughly, putting on his boots and putting on his coat. The ghost made a victory sound and Techno shouted to close the door when Tommy opened the door and circled the house.

Dream was now on the edge, still whispering apologies and hugging himself. Tommy sighed and opened the blanket, placing it on top of the ghost, which luckily was tangible. He turned to the window and found Ghostbur giving a thumbs up, he rolled his eyes and started walking until something hugged his leg.

Dream was hugging his leg tightly, crying and apologizing again. Tommy started to complain confused and angry when he heard another word in his sentence.

-I'm sorry... mean... friend... I'm sorry.

The younger blond stopped, those were the only words Dream had said besides apologies. Tommy was uncomfortable and patted the blue hood.

-Uh... it's okay... I guess- he said and Dream sniffed, making Tommy laugh- We should definitely teach you some other words.

Dream nodded and allowed himself to be pulled by the other blonde into the house, feeling his interior warmer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there aren't candles on minecraft
> 
> Also my headcanon it's that Techno and Tommy fought about who would go in a boat with Phil and who would dive in the water.


	5. My words can't describe how I'm sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghostbur and Tommy (with some help of Techno) try to help Dream with words, and Tommy and Techno have something to discuss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The logic on this chapter is very confusing, so if you don't understand I will explain on the comments.
> 
> I'm sorry.
> 
> :(
> 
> tw// implied suicide attempt, it's just a line and you need to see the stream to understand, but I prefer to warn you.

They were definitely horrible teachers.

Ghostbur was the one who seemed to be doing the best at teaching words to Dream, but even so, the lack of response was the most he managed in a few attempts over the days.

As they realized, Dream only knew how to communicate with actions. He got used to signaling when he wanted something, holding out his arms, or when he wanted music, beating his ears, or when he wanted to seek comfort, wanting to cuddle with Ghostbur, who loved his new hugging partner, holding hands with Tommy, who found it very strange, or holding onto Techno's shoulders, who really didn't care.

But as Ghostbur thought it was important for Dream to learn new words so he could talk properly, he forced Tommy to help him and luckily, Techno escaped because he needed to go on one of his important 'tasks'.

So they were sitting on the living room carpet, with Ghostbur books spread out around them, the yellowish ghost was sitting cross-legged, Tommy was lying like a starfish and Dream was floating a few inches off the floor, sharing the same feeling as the other blond, boredom.

-Blue- Ghostbur held out a book and pointed to a small word, drawing the ghost's attention- Read that word here.

The only words Dream had learned were:

_ I'm so sorry _

_ Mean _

_ Friend _

_ Ghost _

_ Blue _

and _fuck_ , as a new addition by Tommy.

Now, Ghostbur wanted him to learn 'cold'.

-Come on Blue, it's not that difficult. Cold. C-o-l-d!- Ghostbur started to spell after the minutes of silence, Tommy rolled his eyes.

-Blue...

-Almost... you're Blue, but we want cold.

-Ghostbur, this is useless- Tommy groaned and sat uncomfortably.

-If you helped me correctly, Blue would already learn a lot of things- the older brother replied.

-Dream don't even listen to me, how could I help you?- Tommy extended his arms to the ghost, who was looking at the other two with curiosity- He just lets out meaningless words, he learns by himself.

-I don't think Blue has learned to say 'fuck' alone- Ghostbur narrowed his eyes at the boy, who looked away, Dream chuckled gently, like a child.

-Ok, I admit that it was my fault, but Dream doesn't have a reading pattern like a child. He learned to say 'friend' and 'mean' alone, along with ‘I’m sorry’, we don't have much to do.

-But he learned to say Blue with me...- Ghostbur made a concentrated face while placing one hand on his chin- That doesn't make any sense...

-Don't tell me you're still working on that- the three looked towards the door and found the base owner hanging up his coat.

-Techno! - Ghostbur tossed the book on his lap, which went through an oblivious Dream, and flew towards the hunter.

-Hey Techno- Tommy greeted him effortlessly and Dream followed Ghostbur, stopping in front of Technoblade.

-Safe...?

Another word on the list, Tommy guessed.

-Uh, yes. I'm safe, thanks Dream-Techno replied, which the ghost nodded and went back to the carpet, now lying on the floor, almost next to Tommy.

-Is not fair. I wanted him to learn 'cold' first- Ghostbur crossed his arms and pouted, making Tommy laugh and Techno smile slightly.

-Better luck next time, Ghostbur- Tommy said, amused.

-What was progress today?- Techno asked while organizing new items from his inventory in the chest.

-'fuck’...- the yellowish stared at the boy again, who rolled his eyes, Dream chuckled again- and now, 'safe'.

-Hum... two words is a slow pace. What about the book?

As a suggestion from Phil, they were trying to decipher Dream’s memories that were written in the book as a way to discover some reason for the greenish man's death.

-In addition to the obvious things like the records, the glasses, the headband, the drug van and many other things about the festival- Tommy pulled out a paper Dream was scribbling on, which made the ghost hit his hand on the carpet, slightly annoyed- I discovered about the minecart and about the podium.

-The minecart is from when I hit him a few months ago, which earned me a few laughs and some conflict, and the podium is probably about my speech, or about the speeches of Tubbo and alive Wilbur.

-I couldn't help that part, unfortunately- Ghostbur sighed.

-I see...- Techno sat with them on the rug and pulled out one of the books, he pinched his nose- How difficult is it to teach a ghost?

-Hey, you can't complain! You didn't help us by going out on an important 'task'- Tommy complained angrily.

-I can complain when all you should do is repeat the word to him!

-But we did it!

-Ghostbur, how exactly did you teach the words? - Techno rolled his eyes and turned to the yellowish ghost.

-Well, he literally said 'safe' alone, and about 'fuck', Tommy just kept shouting that word, even with me shouting for him to stop- a chuckle was heard beside them.

\- See? It's in front of you!

-That doesn't explain how he learned ‘safe’ and the other words- Tommy countered.

-Of course it explains. Ghostbur has been repeating 'friend' since he met Dream, this also explains the part of how he learned 'blue', since Ghostbur keeps insisting on calling Dream, Blue. You and Phil were talking about Dream being a 'ghost' in front of him the first day, and 'I'm sorry' was probably what he thought before he died.

-Oh, like how I remember Phil killing me?- Ghostbur asked excitedly that he was finally getting a light.

-Probably. We don't know why you know how to say coherent sentences and why Dream can only say loose words, but what I mean is the same. Dream learned the words because we kept repeating to him for a while, his mind just registered and started repeating together.

-So your solution is that we start to repeat the words he needs?

-Yes, but they also need to be related. Blue is the name Ghostbur gave him and it is the color of his sweatshirt, Ghost is his status and also part of the name of Ghostbur, Friend doesn't need an explanation, obviously, and fuck it was something you shouted at random, but probably something that he thought it was funny.

-That's why he always laughed- Ghostbur was now hugging Dream, who was poking on the hem of his yellow sweater, concentrated.

-Exactly, 'safe' and 'mean' are also related, with some memory that we still don't know.

-So how are we going to teach him? - Tommy asked, analyzing the blue ghost.

-Let's keep asking and repeating. To give a clear example, if he asks for music, we will not give him until he says what he wants and we will keep repeating 'discs' or 'music'- Techno fixed his pink hair- Maybe as he learns more words, or remembers other things, he will get less stuck. Also, if we want him to learn a specific word, let's try to fit it in our sentences.

-But will it be long?- Ghostbur asked.

-Maybe yes, maybe not, but we aren’t in a hurry.

-Dream...- Dream whispered and the three stared at the blueish ghost.

-Dream...

-See... except Ghostbur, we call him Dream, which is what we repeat the most and because is his name.

-Blue is a better name...- Ghostbur murmured, slightly sad, but Dream poked his cheek.

-Blue…- Dream repeated, making Ghostbur smile.

-Now that I solved your problem- Techno declared mockingly, getting up from the floor, and Tommy showed his tongue- Let's see what we cook so that the child here doesn’t starve- he pointed to Tommy.

-Hey! I'm not a child!- Tommyinnit shouted angrily.

-Of course... child- Techno said going to the kitchen, which yielded a grunt from the youngest and a laugh from Ghostbur.

* * *

It was twilight when Technoblade came down the stairs of his base and found Tommy, propped up by the window, showing the starry night without a storm, and staring at an enchanted compass glowing in shades of purple.

-I thought you got rid of that compass- he said, making Tommy turn quickly, holding the item tightly to his chest.

-Jesus Christ!

-No, just me- Techno said, approaching the blonde and leaning against the counter next to him.

-Techno, what are you doing awake?

-I ask you the same.

-You can’t answer one question with another.

-You were the one who didn't answer me first.

Tommy snorted humorless and looked back at the compass’ red pointer, which pointed east.

To L'manburg.

-Why didn't you get rid of it? I thought they 'abandoned you' as you said.

-It is none of your business- the squeeze on the item got stronger, but Techno didn’t care.

-It is my business when you agree to participate in my plan even when your head is elsewhere, specifically, the place I said I was going to attack and the place where my execution failed.

-You don’t understand. I helped build that place, I helped to declare independence, it's where my friends are, it's where Tubbo is, it's where the rest of the server is, it's not just giving up easily on everything after a long time.

-So why did you accept?

-I don't know!- Tommy snapped, stressed and divided. Techno was slightly surprised by the burst- I was alone, no one had visited me but the person who threw me in that place, and was just watching me, I wanted my discs back, I wanted Tubbo back. I was irritated by everything, but now... the person I hated the most, who held me on the other side of the server and who still kept me company, died and I don't know what that means to me. Because of him, I even... I even thought...

Tommy shook his head, his eyes slowly aching. He took a deep breath and changed the subject.

-You said yourself that you were looking for a fresh start, that you were 'retired' ...

-I gave up when I realized I couldn't rest, when they came here and threatened my horse- Techno hardened his tone.

They were silent, Tommy pocketed the compass and ruffled his hair.

-Look... I still haven't forgive you about you blowing up L'manburg...

-Something I said I would do from the beginning ...

-It doesn't matter, it still hurts- Tommy said skeptically and Techno just nodded, but not giving up on his main point, he always made it explicit that he would destroy the government during Pogtopia.

-I'm going back to L'manburg... and I'm going to try to explain to them with the help of Phil and Ghostbur, and when everything is explained, I'm going to try to make Tubbo give up on this plan, of... you know...

-Kill me.

-Yeah- Tommy said, awkwardly- If he is the same as before, he will listen to me, there will be no manipulative master to influence him.

Techno was silent and after a few minutes, he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

-If none of this works, and... something happens. I hope you remember this conversation.

Tommy swallowed, but nodded determinedly.

-I will.

Techno sighed tiredly and walked out of the kitchen, but stopped at the doorframe.

-Tommy... you can't be a hero forever. You know that, don't you?

-Someone needs to try, right? - he smiled tightly.

-Try to go back to sleep- was all that the elder said, before disappearing in the dark and back to his room.

Tommy looked at the starry sky through the window once more before leaving the kitchen and placing the compass in the chest next to his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Techno and Tommy aren't good with emotions. 
> 
> Techno still follow his principles (and he is worried about Tommy wanting to 'be the hero') and Tommy still is sad about Techno's plan and he still hurt about his days in exile, just because he helps Ghost Dream, that doesn't mean he forgave him, but also, I like to think some of their interactions were genuine (my headcanon), so that's why Tommy is so divided about alive Dream. 
> 
> Also, he still misses his home. 
> 
> That was my podcast.
> 
> I hope this chapter was good.
> 
> :)


	6. Whispers of heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is reluctant about writing to Tubbo, but Ghostbur can help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dream is just getting wood today :)

It's been two weeks since Tommy and Techno's conversation. Tommy said he would write to Tubbo to warn of his "triumphant" return, which Techno didn't care about, as long as he did it as promised.

Tommy did his best to hide that he was nervous and after a while, the eldest stopped watching him.

During these weeks, Tommy and Ghostbur, with Dream's help, concentrated on finishing the cabin they would live in, cutting wood, nailing boards and trying to fix the stains that Ghostbur's blue made on the walls.

That morning, they ran out of wood and decided to go to the forest to get more wood, taking Friend, the sheep, along.

Ghostbur wore his ghostly clothes along with a brown cloak, on Tommy's orders, since he didn't want to hear the ghost complaining if it started snowing and the boy was overdressed more heavily because he needed heat. During the walk, Ghostbur had been distracted by insects about three times, Friend was stuck because he was eating grass and Dream had trapped his axe inside of a dark oak tree.

Tommy paused from moment to moment to open the communicator and pair his hand over the keyboard, unsure of how to start a message, always sighing and closing, walking again with the others, Ghostbur could be oblivious, but he almost always knew when Tommy was upset.

-Tommy- the yellow ghost called the blond, who was facing the communicator again.

-Oh, hey Ghostbur- Tommy closed the communicator and turned to store more wood in the sled he was carrying- Uh, is everything okay with them over there?

Dream and Friend were staring at the ax that had once again been stuck, but now stuck in the snow.

-Nah, they'll be fine- he said- Blue will know what to do.

-I still think it's best to help them- Tommy pulled the sled back towards the sheep and the blue ghost, but Ghostbur stopped him.

-I need to talk to you- the yellowish one said and took the famous blue out of his pocket- Here, have some blue.

-Thanks Ghostbur, but you will fill my inventory with this- Tommy laughed uncomfortably.

-Tommy... Why do you keep opening the communicator all the time?

The blonde sighed, rubbing his hair, frustrated and looked away from Ghostbur's dark eyes.

-I... I promised Techno that I would write to Tubbo, to warn that we are coming back.

-Oh, this is wonderful!

-But... I don't know how to write this ...

Ghostbur closed his mouth, silently asking him to continue.

-I mean... Tubbo is my best friend, we went through a lot of things together and did a lot of things together, but after this shit happened, after he called me selfish, which was partly true, after he didn't visit me, after all this... i just don't know how to start again.

-I've been with him since I practically returned from my first ban, we are stuck together, you know? But now he is president, responsible for L'manburg and I caused problems, which led to him exiling me.

-And... God! I'm still upset with him because of that. Not to the point that I don't want to be friends with him anymore, but he just shooed me away like I was worthless! As if our friendship was worthless and the worst of it is that I miss him.

After a few minutes of silence, Ghostbur sighed, patting Tommy's downcast head.

-Tommy, remember when I commented that I gave a compass, like yours, to Tubbo?

-Yeah... Ranboo told me it broke in an explosion- his voice was tearful

-Oh...- Ghostbur definitely didn't know that- I'll see it later, but continuing, before I hand it over, I showed him Logstedshire and Tubbo told me he missed you.

-That is different... missing me doesn’t mean that we will return as if nothing has changed.

-I never counted on that, what I'm trying to say is, even if you have unresolved conflicts, Tubbo still misses you, just as you miss him, you can start with that.

-But... will he take me back? I don't even know what's going on there, the last thing I knew is that they wanted to kill Techno, something I wanted when Dream exiled me and he came to visit us. You talked to Tubbo months ago, Ghostbur, he's probably changed.

-Well, you won't know if you don't try- he hugged Tommy, who sniffed and still stared at the floor, slightly embarrassed to be almost crying- If, by any chance, Tubbo doesn't answer you, you have a house here, you have me, Phil, Friend, Techno and Blue! You have two houses, and a third one when we finish mine! While I'm still homeless, you're a lucky boy Tommy.

Tommy laughed tearfully and returned the ghost's embrace, which gave him a blue, which he finally accepted, seeing the transparent turn into a deep blue. Tommy sighed lighter and rubbed his eyes.

-Thanks... er, Ghostbur- he said embarrassed, which the ghost smiled cheerfully- I think... I think I needed this.

-I’m always here, Tommy.

-Ghost...- the two turned their heads to Dream, who was awkwardly carrying more cut wood.

-Blue! Oh, thank you very much, you guys did a good job- Ghostbur said, petting the blue sheep and the hood of Dream.

-Wood...

-Leave it here- Tommy said, dragging the sled closer, the blue ghost dropped the logs and launched himself into the snow.

-I think we have enough. Can we go home?

-Home...

-Uh, I think we can go back- Ghostbur said, lifting Dream up and guiding Friend.

-Great! I'm freezing out here, probably we have wood for a whole year.

* * *

In the middle of the afternoon, Tommy closed the bedroom door and sat on the fluffy bed, he looked at the window, which showed the snow falling slowly, he took a deep breath and opened the communicator, starting to write.

' _Hey big T..._ '

It didn't sound right.

' _Tubbo, remember me?_ '

Very threatening.

' _Hi Tubbo, how is everything?_ '

Very close, but not.

' _Hey Tubbo, it's me, your best friend, Tommy!_ '

Very desperate

For a few seconds, Tommy considered quitting trying and telling Techno that he gave up, which would probably make the other make fun of him every time he had the chance or he would never trust the boy again, but Tommy remembered the conversation with Ghostbur and looked at the ceiling before writing again.

' _Hello Tubbo,_

_ It's been a long time, I think months even. I hope L'manburg is well, but with you in charge, everything is likely to be at peace. I... I'm with a friend, still isolated, but I'm fine and I hope you're well too. There is something that I need to show you and that is important, you know that there are few things that I am serious about, but now, I am serious. I'm coming home, don't worry about me, my return won't hurt you or L'manburg, I have everything planned. If it's okay with you, I want you to meet me at the entrance of L'manburg, Ghostbur and someone else will be with me. _

_ I miss you, friend _

_Tommy_ '

He hit the send button and prayed that Tubbo would see his message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are well.
> 
> ;)


	7. There is no place like home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy, Ghostbur and Dream go on a trip, but things happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a row, yay!
> 
> I guess this is the longest chapter I will write
> 
> :)

Even though L'manburg and everything else on the server was on the other side of the island's ocean, it didn't take long to get to the other coast, but for reasons, Techno dispatched the three very early from home, with Tommy shouting profanity at the other while he put on his coat and accepted the bag of items that the rose one had made.

That morning was darker, clouds blocked most of the sun and the wind was stronger, if they were lucky, L'manburg would be more sunny.

It didn't take long for them to find the tide that was leading home. The three went on the same boat, with only Tommy rowing and complaining about it all the way.

-You could help me, couldn't you? - He ground his teeth, annoyed

-Ghosts are not living organisms, Tommy- Ghostbur said, holding the back of Dream's sweatshirt, who was leaning on the boat and reaching into the icy water.

-You are literally tangible!

-How do you think L'manburg is doing?- Ghostbur asked, changing the subject abruptly.

-Seriously, I don't know- Tommy said, seeing that it would be useless complaining about the boat- I heard something a long time ago, and Phil isn't too focused on telling us the news.

-Do you think Blue will like L'manburg?

-L'man...- during those two weeks and those two days before Tubbo's reply, Dream was learning quickly, thanks to Techno's strategy, L'manburg seemed to be a more complicated word, so he just repeated the four first letters.

-Of course, L'manburg is very beautiful! How could he not?- Said Tommy, proud of his home

-It's true, but Blue just saw Techno's house, seeing other structures can be scary and he may not find it beautiful - Ghostbur said.

Tommy had never thought about that, and thinking more deeply, he didn't know how Dream would react to a lot of unknown people, maybe he would be normal, like Ghostbur, or he would have a breakdown, or any other reaction. Shit, Tommy hadn't really thought about it, but now there was no turning back, he had already promised Tubbo.

-I think he will be fine- he said, pushing worries to the back of the mind- We will be there with him.

-I guess so...- Ghostbur said absently, not realizing Dream rubbing his wet hand on the other ghost's yellow sweater.

-Blue! I'll melt if you continue to do that! - Ghostbur almost screamed in fright, making Dream and Tommy laugh like maniacs.

-It's not funny! - he said, pouting.

-Actually it was really funny.

-... 

-Just keep rowing, Tommy.

* * *

As Tommy had predicted, L'manburg was sunny, making him need to pack his heavy coat in his backpack. He had a small setback when trying to get out of the boat while the other ghosts simply floated ashore, waiting for the other blonde.

Tommy leads the way, while Dream embraces Ghostbur nervously, seeking comfort, which the yellow man did without complaint, while pointing and explaining the structures to his friend. Soon, Tommy was the first to observe his old home.

The houses were connected to platforms above the artificial lake, built in a medieval style, with the new L'manburg flags attached to the structures. Luckily, the advertisements that Techno and Tubbo made were removed. The lanterns Ghostbur had made were still there, along with the balloon and the old ghost house, no wall in sight, thankfully.

At the entrance, as agreed, Tubbo was in a dark suit and talking to Quackity, Fundy and Ranboo, Tommy grinned and shouted, starting to run towards the group.

-Tubbo!

The boy and his company turned and Tommy swore he saw red eyes that looked back at him.

-Tommy!

The two boys ran until Tubbo jumped on top of his friend, hugging him tightly.

-Tommy! You are here!

-Hi Tubbo! Of course I am, I promised I would come.

-I... I thought... for a moment I thought... I thought...

-Hey, I said I was fine on the message.

Very softly, he heard Tubbo sniffle and he felt his shirt getting wet on his shoulder.

-Tubbo, what--

-Tommy! - he looked away and saw the other three running towards him and crushing the other two boys in a disorderly embrace.

-Ouch! Don't run like that- Tommy said pretending to be annoyed, but not hiding the bright smile on his face- You are going to crush Tubbo.

-Tommy! You are alright!- Quackity screamed joyful

-Tubbo refused to say who would come! We were worried - Ranboo informed, excited.

-What are you doing here? - Fundy asked, confused, but very happy with his friend's return.

-I'll explain everything, don't worry- Tommy said, realizing that Tubbo had not taken his head off his shoulder and was shaking slightly- Now, Tubbo... why... why are you crying?

The other boy sobbed weakly, breaking the hug.

\- I... I... after the festival I went to see you and ... and- the tears started falling again- I saw everything exploded, and a tower... I thought… I thought I had lost you.

Tommy was silent, and tried to force himself to smile to cheer up his best friend.

-You won't lose me anytime soon, buddy.

-I hope so...- Tubbo smiled still in tears and hugged Tommy again, after a few minutes, the two got up.

-What did you want to show me that was so serious?

-Oh, about that. Please don't go crazy, okay? I need to explain everything before--

-What the fuck is he doing here?!- Quackity shouted abruptly, startling the group.

Before Tommy could do anything to stop the man, Quackity drew his sword and ran furiously towards Dream.

-Quackity, no!

The sword stuck in Dream's blue sweatshirt in a blink, which made the ghost look slowly down.

-Quackity! You can't just stab people, unless they ask- Ghostbur declared slightly irritated.

-W- what ?!- he asked very confused, like the other members of L'manburg

Dream trembled slightly and tears began to fall to the ground and the sword was still embedded in the blue ghost.

None of them noticed the broken axe shining again.

Ghostbur approached Dream and hugged him, cooing, while Dream sobbed and hugged the other ghost in anguish.

-I'm so sorry...

-I'm so sorry...

-I'm so sorry...

-Quackity! I was going to explain!- Tommy ran over to the two ghosts and took out the sword of Dream, who was too focused on Ghostbur to notice.

-What-- What the hell does that mean? I thought--

-Tommy! - Tubbo suddenly called him- Is this... is this?

-Yeah ... this is Dream.

-But what?... how? - Quackity had one hand on his head.

-Tommy! - Ghostbur shouted, which made Tommy face the ghost, who seemed to be... melting- Snow! I can't stay in the snow!

Tommy looked up at the sky and noticed that the weather was closing in around L'manburg, with some flakes already falling in the city.

-Ghostbur is right- Tommy turned to Tubbo- Do you have a place to talk? Alone?

Tubbo bit his lip and nodded, waving to follow him. Fundy, Quackity and Ranboo followed the president's side, while Tommy held hands for Dream, while he hugged Ghostbur, both dripping, be it tears, water and whatever Ghostbur was made of.

As they entered the city, the two behind noticed Phil, looking curiously at the sky, and waved, when the eldest saw them, he seemed to understand what had happened and waved back, worried. Tubbo guided them to Ranboo's house, which he allowed to use. After everyone entered, Ranboo closed the door and sat further down the room, with a notebook in hand.

-Very well- Tubbo took a deep breath, not even looking like he had cried minutes ago, besides the red eyes that gave him away- Tommy, we need you to explain what... what happened to Dream.

-Ghostbur found him as a ghost in the forest and then we found out that his body ...- he shivered slightly, remembering the translucent eyes- was underwater.

He heard Ranboo's pen write against the paper.

-How long has he been gone? When was the last time you saw him here?- it was Tommy's turn to ask

-A few months ago, he disappeared and came back, and then he just disappeared, we didn't even know if he was going to return...- Fundy said- until now, at least.

-Who knows about that?- Quackity asked, still staring at Dream.

-Uh...- Tommy decided to lie, not wanting to hand over Phil and Techno- Just me and Ghostbur.

Ranboo looked at him, but Tommy decided to ignore it.

-That's good- Tubbo said- but, we can't hide it forever.

-What we should be thinking about is how it affects the server- Fundy said, but Quackity interrupted him.

-Who cares? That motherfucker is dead, we're free! It's sad that we couldn't kill him ourselves at the festival - Tommy looked at Tubbo, who just looked away - but what matters is the result.

-I still think it's best to tell everyone first- Tommy said, feeling the room get a little colder- We could start with Eret, Sam, Punz and everyone else.

-Actually- Ranboo said suddenly, making everyone look at him- We better tell George and Sapnap, Bad too, they were best friends after all

-Ha- Quackity laughed humorlessly- I don't think they'll care.

-What?

-Why?

-A few days after Tommy was exiled. Dream dethroned George and returned the crown to Eret, and no king likes it when they take off his crown- he smirked, mockingly- Sapnap and I supported George, and the three were not on good terms. Dream's fault, in that case.

-I'm so sorry...

Everyone turned to Dream.

-Yes- Quackity snorted- You should--

-I'm so sorry...

-I'm so sorry...

-Uh... Tommy, what is he doing? - Fundy asked as he, Tubbo and Quackity walked away, scared.

-I'm so sorry...

-I'm so sorry...

A cold air chilled everyone in the house, as if it were snowing inside. Ghostbur did everything to Dream to stop crying, but he pushed the other ghost and went through the door, without opening it.

-Blue!

-Dream! Get back here! - Tommy threatened to get up, but Tubbo held him back - Tubbo!

-Tommy! There are many things we still need to solve and...- Tubbo hesitated- I prefer not to lose sight of you, not in a bad way.

Tommy knew in what sense, which made him soften slightly. He sighed and took his heavy coat out of his backpack and held it out to an anxious Ghostbur.

-Take this, you won't melt.

-But...

-Ranboo can go with you- Tubbo said and the half-enderman nodded, opening the door.

Ghostbur put on his coat and followed Ranboo outside.

-Now, Tommy- the blonde turned to face Tubbo when the door closed- Tell us what happened since the last time we met.

* * *

Phil hadn't seen it when Dream ran away, but he certainly saw a Ghostbur, on the verge of despair, and a confused Ranboo coming out of the house.

-Blue! - Ghostbur shouted and Phil instantly knew something was wrong- Blue!

-Wil! - Phil called him, making the other two look at the balcony- What happened?

-Blue ran away! And I don't know ... oh, no- Ghostbur said, already slightly despairing.

Phil spread his gray wings and jumped off the balcony, falling to the ground without getting hurt.

-Is that relationed to the snow?- Ranboo asked.

-The snow had started before- Phil said.

-Where can he go?

-I don't know, he doesn't remember much- Phil fixed his bucket hat- And I don't know Dream's favorite place when he was alive.

-I just don't want him to be scared- Ghostbur said.

-Let's spread out, he must not have gone very far without a memory.

Ghostbur was the fastest, with Ranboo following close behind and Phil flying to look further up. They searched near Eret Castle, near Badlands and circled the community house, but Dream was nowhere to be found.

Ranboo and Ghostbur spread more and asked Phil to come back and let the others know if the meeting ended, which he gladly did.

Returning to L'manburg, he saw a blue sweatshirt on top of a hill and flew there quickly, landing on the grass, but trying not to scare the ghost.

-Dream! - Phil called him, but Dream doesn't react, still looking at the sky- My god, friend, Ghostbur was desperate!

No reaction.

-What are you looking at? - He followed Dream's gaze and saw two people on a piece of land practically stretched across the sky. One of the men had brown hair, a blue blouse and dark glasses, the other had black hair, wore netherite armor and a headband wrapped around his forehead.

He didn't know, but he assumed it would be George and Sapnap, since technically the descriptions matched.

-Oh... you miss them, don't you?

-I'm so sorry...

-Do you... remember them?

Dream shook his head, but made a claw against the left side of his chest, in the heart.

-You don't know, but you feel something... that’s it?- Phil tried, which Dream nodded.

-L'man... home... friend... sorry

-I see...- Phil hovered one of the wings on Dream's back- Do you want to talk to them?

Dream denied it again.

-...remember...

Phil nodded.

-We will talk to them whenever you want.

Dream took Phil's hand and began to strum slowly, like a piano, comforting himself.

-We better find Ranboo and Ghostbur- Phil said, not bothering with a busy hand, and opening the communicator to warn Ranboo-Wil was worried about you.

-I'm so sorry...

-You can tell him that when you find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dream's comforts
> 
> Ghostbur - Cuddles  
> Tommy - Holding Hands  
> Techno - Holding shoulders
> 
> And now 
> 
> Phil - play with hands
> 
> Tell me your theories 
> 
> :)


	8. All I want is you to be here again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy needs to do a difficult task and Phil offers comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen All I Want by Kodaline, I wrote this chapter listening to that music.
> 
> Trivia: I almost cried when I thought about this chapter for the first time.
> 
> Phil's house is slightly different.
> 
> :)

After Dream's short escape, Ghostbur explained to everyone (with Ranboo's support, surprisingly) that he thought it best to bring Dream back home to avoid further situations of this kind. Also, with little effort, Tommy was allowed to return to L'manburg and live at his home again, which he declined to stay with Phil at his home.

The snow had stopped falling when the two ghosts entered the purple portal, not showing the way to Ghostbur's "home".

And as Fundy's idea, they decided to give a little celebration for the return of the blond boy, with Tommy's right to choose what they would do at night and what they would eat.

Tommy enjoyed the attention.

It had been good months since he attended a "real" party and it left him with a lot of nostalgia for those times of peace, before all the wars and conflicts.

He smiled at the lanterns that shone with the stars that clean night, almost everyone was there, Niki, Quackity, Tubbo, Ranboo, Sam and Punz, for some reason, Eret, Puffy, Fundy and Phil, just as Tommy wanted from the beginning of your exile. He sighed and closed his eyes, satisfied.

-Tommy- he opened one eye and saw Tubbo with a plate of cake that Niki had made.

-Hey Tubs- Tommy turned to his best friend, who was nervous- What is it?

-When are you going to tell George and Sapnap?

Tommy had forgotten that, honestly.

-Do you know where they are? - The boy got up from his chair.

-Big Q can take you there- Tubbo said and waved to the man in the beanie, who approached.

-What do you need?

-Where are George and Sapnap?

Quackity seemed to hesitate, before sighing.

-They're in El Rapids, it's nearby.

-El Rapids? - Tommy turned to Tubbo, who made an 'I'll explain to you later' sign

-I'll take you there- Quackity smiled tightly and motioned for Tommy to follow him, which the blonde did promptly.

The two gradually moved away from the city, around and up the mountain, finding a long strip of land, suspended above the river. George was sitting on the edge, looking at the water, while Sapnap kept things in a chest, both unaware of the arrival of the other two.

-Hey, fellas- Quackity called them. They both turned their heads toward him and grinned until they saw Tommy hovering nervously beside him.

-Uh... hey Tommy- George greeted him, uncomfortable, which Tommy found understandable. Both had not ended well since the arson.

Sapnap just nodded in his direction.

The four were silent until Sapnap coughed.

-I thought you were in exile- he said dryly.

-Yes... I was, but it can be said that I'm back- he tried to smile as genuine as possible, it didn't work- ...And with news.

Quackity became more tense beside the boy as George and Sapnap looked at each other.

-And what does this have to do with us? No offense- George asked, suspicious.

-It's about Dream.

If Tommy had thought of any reaction, their reactions would not have been what he thought. George returned his gaze to the waters, resigned, while Sapnap just laughed dryly, as if it were a bad joke.

-And what does that green ‘prick’ have to do with us? - he asked, arching an eyebrow, trying to look like he didn't care but Tommy noticed his hand trembling over the top of the chest- You probably didn't know, but we're not together anymore.

“ _It's now or never_ " Quackity thought.

-Dream is dead- Tommy said

" _Nope, never mind_ "

For a moment, George's ears started ringing and he buried his fingers against his dark pants, as if holding a lifeline.

Sapnap stood up abruptly and in a few steps, came very close to Tommy and caught him by the collar of his shirt, which made George get out of the shock and get up to pull his friend away. Quackity cursed them both and held Tommy on the floor, trying to stop Sapnap from killing him.

-Holy shit, Tommy! That went over the limits even for you! - Sapnap screamed furiously- Do you think this is a fucking joke?!

George pinched Sapnap's arm, who stepped back and looked at the bluish, who was staring at the floor, immobile.

All of them were in silence, waiting for George to speak.

-Q-Quackity... did you ... did you see him? - George's whisper seemed to echo in everyone's ears, like a macro melody.

Quackity was silent, and that seemed like an answer enough, he knew Quackity hated Dream, but there was limits. George wanted a concrete 'yes' or 'no'.

-Quackity!- George almost shouted, losing his patience and resilience.

-I saw him!- he replied loudly, not focusing on any of the friends, just feeling more tired and nervous.

That was enough for George to let go Sapnap and collapse in a silent cry.

Sapnap fisted his hands and closed his eyes tightly and whispered 'no's desperately.

-No, no, no, no no No NO NO NO NO! - Sapnap forced himself not to cry, but he would soon collapse- Quackity! Tell me this is a fucking prank!

-It’s not! I saw him, Sapnap!- Quackity pushed Tommy, who was watching everything silently, behind him, afraid of what the one in the headband could do.

-Where is he? - he asked stiffly, as George knelt on the ground, clutching the grass tightly- Tommyinnit, answer me, where is he?

-He... he went with Ghostbur- Tommy murmured- To Ghostbur's house...

-I don't believe...- Sapnap pinched his nose, his eyes already red- Why? Why the fuck isn't he here?! You throw that shit at us and he's not even here for us to talk to?!

-He was nervous! - Tommy left behind Quackity to face Sapnap- He was distressed and confused, and... - he hesitated

-And? And what?

-And you didn't care about him, as far as I remember. Why do you want to see him anyway?- Tommy threw poison at his answer, already feeling guilty for that.

George's crying seemed to increase, but it was always silent.

-And I didn't!- Sapnap opened his eyes with tears, biting his tongue and crying even more afterwards- And... shit! I cared, okay? I cared a lot! Fuck, he wasn't supposed to die!

-So why didn't you go looking for him?! - Tommy was starting to get angry- Tubbo told me he disappeared for a long time! Why didn't you do anything ?!

-Why? Why, Tommy? Because he had just said he cared about that shit of yours and he had just dethroned George! -Sapnap was in fury, screaming unscrupulous- He had said your discs were all he cared about! If you told that to Tubbo, he would probably fight you too!

Tommy closed his mouth instantly.

-It's not because I said I didn't care that I wanted him to die! He was-- Sapnap sobbed- No... He is my best friend, he is our best friend! And now you tell us that he died and that he became a ghost, and that we can't see him!

-Tell me, Tommy- Sapnap started- If Tubbo or any of your friends died and became a ghost, then someone would come and tell you that and also tell you that you won't be able to see him? How would you feel, eh Tommy?

-Sapnap, that's enough! - Quackity tried to interrupt, feeling that it was going too far.

-It's not enough! - Sapnap screamed tearfully- He died! Dream died and we did absolutely nothing!

And with that, Sapnap, hiding his face, walked down the hill, still hoping it was all a lie, or a dream.

The others were silent until George slowly got up.

-Tell me... tell me that he... he at least remembers us... please- George asked, still looking at the floor.

Tommy was silent and held his breath.

-He... he's still trying- that’s all he could say.

George was very quiet before nodding slightly and walking the same way as Sapnap.

Quackity looked at the other before sighing and placing a hand on the blonde's shoulder.

-Come on Tommy, let's leave them.

Tommy nodded and turned to walk beside Quackity. The stars still shone with L'manburg's light.

-Hey, Tommy- Quackity called him- Where did you live during... you know... during exile? Tubbo said something about a friend.

-Yeah... I stayed with him after my stuff exploded- he didn't like to remember that.

-Are you sure he is trustworthy?- the man asked suspiciously and worried

-I am, Big Q- Tommy stared at the stars- I'm sure

-I'll trust you, then- he smiled weakly

* * *

When Tommy arrived at Phil's house, he leaned on the door, tired.

-I see you enjoyed the party- Phil commented smiling, but without taking his eyes off the book he was reading.

-My tiredness comes from something else- Tommy stood up- I forgot it was tiring to talk to people.

Phil raised an eyebrow at his son, closing the book.

-What happened?

-I told George and Sapnap about... you know...

-I see- Phil said and stood up, approaching Tommy to guide him to a nearby chair- And what are you feeling?

-As if my mind had a light on some things- he collapsed on the seat- and like a brick had been thrown in my stomach.

-Very specific- the older blond laughed softly- Can I assume it didn't work?

-More or less... Sapnap started yelling at me about the fight and George was crying quiet most of the time. I think I’m still recapping what Sapnap said to me.

-Why?

-He...- Tommy sighed- He said some things about how Tubbo would react if I acted like Dream acted, or how I would react if I couldn't see my friends and knew that they became ghosts.

-Hm- Phil got up and went to the kitchen, starting to heat water in a kettle- And why did it affect you?

-Because that almost happened to Tubbo, about the ghosts.

-Why exactly? - Phil put two sachets in two cups.

-Tubbo thought I was dead, Phil- the boy said, making the eldest tense.

-What?

-Remember that I told you about...

-Yeah- Phil responded quickly, saving his son from bad memories- Yeah, I remember

-He visited me after the festival in which they tried to kill Techno- Tommy tapped his fingers on his knees- And since everything was destroyed, he thought something had happened... maybe he even thought about...- he closed his mouth

The two were in a deafening silence of unspoken words, but at the same time, it was reassuring, until the kettle sizzled and Phil turned off the fire, hurriedly pouring water into the two cups.

He handed one of the cups to Tommy and sat down next to him, sighing.

-What do you intend to do now?- he changed the subject

-Talk to Tubbo about Techno.

-Are you sure? - Phil asked, drinking from his tea- Tubbo and Ranboo may even support you, but I'm not sure if Quackity and Fundy will like this.

-I know- Tommy groaned in frustration- I'll just tell Tubbo, when we solve this thing with Dream, we'll focus on that.

-I hope you are careful- Phil said, smiling- I don't want another child being chased

-I know how to take care of myself- the youngest blond said arrogantly, which was answered by Phil ruffling Tommy's hair.

-Of course you know- the old man drank his tea and hugged Tommy- I hope those three are well.

-I hope these three are okay- Phil said sincerely

-Ghostbur and Dream will probably be "studying" - Tommy replied mockingly - And Techno will be gone almost all day.

-Maybe... but still, it’s something that I don’t stop worrying about.

-You worry too much...- Tommy said, muffled by the hug, in which he sank every minute- Techno is... practically the strongest on the server now and Ghostbur and Dream are ghosts, how would they get hurt? They know how to take care of themselves.

-I counted on that, too, before I knew that Wilbur was about to blow up L'manburg- Phil said darkly, but Tommy seemed too absorbed in his father's heartbeat to notice- You never know.

-Uhum…

They were in silence again.

-I hope Dream can remember...- Phil commented, oblivious- He seemed distressed to feel a weight he didn't know where it came from.

-...

-Tommy? 

-...

-Tommy? Are you listening to me?

When Phil looked down, he saw Tommy sleeping deeply against him, breathing calmly. He smiled and laid the younger blond on the couch, pulling a blanket to cover him, then he reopened his book and remained there for some time, absorbed in the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to highlight sapnap, I hope I transmitted his (and george's) emotions very well
> 
> Also father and son moment!
> 
> :)


	9. I couldn't say goodbye to you, my old friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade and Dream share a moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ghost Face reveal! And a little piece of Techno's mind (+ flashback).
> 
> I like to think Dream and Techno were rivals and best friends, and Dream trusted Techno to show his face.
> 
> :)

Techno had woken up early that day, for no reason at all. The bedroom floor was quiet, but he could hear the chords of an old guitar downstairs. He removed the blankets from his body and got up from the warm bed, which seemed to want to pull him into a comfortable hug, he went down the hall and down the stairs, finding only a light on and Ghostbur sitting in the air and holding his guitar.

“Techno!” the ghost smiled, still with his fingers on the strings “You woke up very early, something happened? I hope it wasn't because of the music”

“No, Ghostbur. I just woke up early for no reason today”

He watched the dark blue sky become clear, and acquired some shades of pink, with a few stars and a few snowflakes still falling from last night's storm.

“Where is Dream?” Techno noticed the lack of one of the residents of his house

“Oh, Blu-- Dream ended up melancholy out of the nowhere during the night and... he left a few hours ago, he just went straight” Ghostbur frowned “I was worried, but it's only stopping snowing now”

“Hm ... I'll bring you here, if that reassures you”

“Oh, thanks Techno!” Ghostbur smiled and played some chords.

Techno put on his boots and put on his heavy coat, tidying his long hair in a sloppy bun, he opened the door and went down the stairs, sinking his feet into the snow.

He sighed, seeing the smoke coming out of his mouth, and started walking towards the horizon, looking for the cold ghost.

Dream was practically on the shore of the sea, staring at the dawn sky by the mask, his hands, now bandaged by Ghostbur, were hovering on his side and shaking slightly, he did not notice when Technoblade appeared beside him, both staring at the sky and the sea .

“Beautiful…”

“It's really beautiful” Techno said “It's one of the advantages of living here”

The snowflakes were still falling and a mist could be seen over the sea.

Dream took one hand to the mask clasp behind his head and one against the mask, Techno heard a soft click before the mask fell on the snow and the ghost removed the blue hood.

Both looked at each other.

Dream still had dark blond hair, but it looked a little longer since they saw each other before he died, the freckles and scars took on a whitish tone, disappearing on the pale skin and the lips were purple, but the eyes were what scared Techno.

They were completely black, they didn't look like real eyes, and few tears of the same color ran down their cheeks, their eyebrows were furrowed in inner pain and their smile was sad.

Techno returned the smile with the same sadness, only more restrained.

“Morning…”

“Good morning, Dream. Ghostbur was concerned”

“I'm sorry... see… sunrise …”

“It's good to know that you still appreciate them”

They were in comfortable silence.

“Miss… friends”

“Do you remember them?”

Dream waved a hand, 'sort of'.

“You will remember them, I'm sure”

The ghost nodded and scratched his hair hard, as if he had a discomfort inside his skull.

“Did you remember me?” Techno didn't notice when he asked that question.

It was an idiotic thing he had thought of when he heard about the incident in L'manburg, it was clear that Dream did not remember him, or anyone and possibly, or himself, but it was something that stayed deep in his thoughts. No matter how violent and bloody Techno acted or how similar people thought he was of a monster or creature for his violence, he was still just like anyone else, full of feelings and treasures kept within him, and one of those feelings, was wanting his friend back.

Dream made the same sign and Techno kept himself from saying or doing anything else that would deliver him as 'disappointed', he always knew how not to show any sign of weakness or hope. But even if Dream was dead, it was as if he remembered Techno's slightest mannerisms, how tense his shoulders were and how his hands went directly into his pockets or behind his back.

Dream moved behind his friend, who was confused for a moment before he felt cold hands on his shoulders and he was pulled down, sitting in the snow.

“Dream, what the--”

The blue one threw itself against Techno's back, placing his head on his shoulder.

“Remember…”

Dream pulled one of the rose's hands and brought one finger to his own face, following the trail of his biggest scar.

“Hm... do you want to know the story?” he was still very confused.

He felt the ghost wave against his shoulder and Techno sighed.

“ I remember that you dragged me to spar in the forest, at five in the morning…”

* * *

( _"I hope we get this over with soon so I can go back to sleep, Dream"_

_ "We won't be long, I practiced more and I will beat you very quickly" Techno didn't need to see the other's face to feel that he smiled arrogantly. _

_ "That's what we'll see" he unfolded his sword at the same time that Dream swung the axe and the two ran against each other. _

_ The noise of the blades coming together charged Techno enough that he forgot the sleep he felt a few seconds ago. _

_ Dream dodged the kicks and the blade he aimed at the breastplate of his armor, rarely attacking, while Techno tried to hit him quickly, leaving no time to recover his breath. _

_ The greenish threw himself on the ground and gave Technoblade's legs a dash, which regained his balance but gave Dream time to start running among the trees, being chased by the rival. _

_ "What's the use of you calling me to fight if you're not going to try to hit me?" he asked shouting as he ran over to the masked man. _

_ "Relax! We're still fighting!" So he threw himself against the bushes and skidded down the small hill, Techno preferred to jump straight and fall to the leafy ground. _

_ Dream was out of sight and that left Technoblade on alert. _

_ Nothing made a noise. _

_ Nothing moved. _

_ Nothing was breathing. _

_ Until he heard a branch break and saw a person's shadow. _

_ Dream jumped over Techno, ready to attack with the shining axe. _

_ It was so automatic. _

_ It was a reflex when he pulled out his sword and brandished it in a vertical cut. _

_ He saw the porcelain of the mask crack and break in two halves and Dream fell behind him. _

_ When he turned around, Dream had one hand on its half face, turning red every second and a smile on its face, Techno did not share any feeling Dream had at that moment, focused on the revealed face. _

_ "My god, Techno! That was too fast" Dream laughed and looked up. _

_ The blood-red eyes meeting the emerald green eye. _

_ "Were you so scared to be like this?" Dream noticed the absence of any emotion, other than shock, on Techno's face "I'm fine!" _

_ Then Dream saw the broken porcelain at his feet and he panicked. _

_ Techno was still motionless. _

_ "Ah..." he felt his pulse quicken and his breathing grow stronger "Um… I... I can explain, oh god" _

_ Dream brought his hands up to the hood and forced it down hard, trying to hide as much of his face as possible, even with Techno's hand trying to stop it, a lump in his throat started to form. _

_ "Sorry Techno, it was ... it was stupid to call you, oh god I'm so sorry" he got up quickly, almost falling again, his eyes turning red "I... I have to go, but uh..." _

_ His stomach started to turn and get heavier, with sweat sticking to his skin and his head throbbed, Dream felt like he was going to collapse in front of Techno and he almost despaired even more at that thought. _

_ He felt a shock against his body and a hand behind his head, Dream almost screamed. _

_ "I'm sorry" was what Techno whispered _

_ "I- it wasn't your fault" _

_ "I... I just saw you jumping... it was a reflex, I'm sorry" _

_ "Don't apologize" Dream sniffed, feeling the knot unraveling, but the other sensations were still there "I'm the one being dramatic here... it's just... it's just..." _

_ "Nobody saw your face" _

_ He felt Dream nod. _

_ "It's okay... I didn't see it at all" he laughed weakly "You covered half of him" _

_ "Oh..." Dream laughed tearfully, wanting to throw up "Now I'm feeling more stupid" _

_ "Nah, you weren't stupid" Techno broke off the hug, giving Dream room to calm down "I was worried about the blood, that's all" _

_ "Sorry again" _

_ "I said it's okay" Techno declared, resolute, and then his tone softened "I cut you, it wasn't you who should be apologizing" _

_ "It's a habit" Dream pulled the hood even more "Sorry" _

_ Techno rolled his eyes at the repetition, but smiled weakly. _

_ "What are you going to do now?" The greenish asked. _

_ "I'm going home" Techno said, lying. _

_ "Oh yeah? You break my mask and you're not even going to help me fix it?" Dream felt himself lighter _

_ "Yep" Techno turned to leave, not taking the smile off his face. _

_ Dream looked at him in silence and picked up the two pieces of ground. _

_ "Please don't tell me that you believed me" Techno laughed out loud, scaring the greenish one. _

_ "I never know when you are serious!" Dream screamed in a hoarse voice, which made Techno laugh more. _

_ "Come on Dream, I must have some glue at home, and we need to take care of your injury" he started walking again "Probably will leave a scar..." _

_ Dream didn't move, still staring at the two pieces, listening to his heartbeat getting louder in his ears as he thought deeply. Dream pushed his hood behind. _

_ "Hey, Techno" _

_ Techno turned and faced a pair of emeralds staring back at him, freckles adorned his face, as well as small scars and blood from the newly opened wound, next to that was a weak smile, also adorning Dream's face. _

_ "Thanks, Techno, really" _

_ Techno smiled more broadly _

_ "No problem, Dream" and turned to walk "Now let's go before you have an infection" _

_ A kettle-like laugh filled the forest and Dream felt calmer again. _

_Techno was the first person who saw his face_ )

* * *

“In the end, you just got a scar, but a few centimeters to the side and I would have blinded you, which is desperate to say the least”

Dream was focused on the words of Techno, who now rambled on about that memory.

“When you noticed, you were yelling at me for two hours, giving me a lecture” he laughed lightly “and we managed to fix your mask too, but the crack didn’t disappear”

“happy...?”

“Yeah, it's a happy memory”

“good... happy too…”

“Good to know, Dream” Techno replied and pulled the fallen mask, placing it on the ghost's face and hit it three times against the porcelain.

“Well, I think Ghostbur must be desperate now”Technoblade stood up and stretched “Let's go back before he decides to write something for Phil”

Dream nodded and closed the leather strap behind his head.

“miss... me?”

Techno stopped and turned around, a little bewildered.

“Yes... I missed you, old friend” he smiled and pulled the blue hood over the ghost's head, making him wear it.

The two were greeted by a desperate Ghostbur, but for Techno, it was worth remembering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to use quotes in the dialogues, so tell me if you prefer my way or with the quotes, please.
> 
> Also, I wanted this chapter to be more emotional, but I don't know if I did it well.
> 
> I'm sorry if it wasn't good


	10. a sign in the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy talks to Tubbo, while Dream goes on a journey

"Tommy, stop moving," Phil said as he still had his hands on the red tie around the youngest's neck.

"I'm trying, but it's suffocating me" Tommy tried to move his neck, but the older blond had caught him, still knotting the fabric. When he was done, he tapped and smiled.

"There, you are free now"

"Thank God" Tommy turned and put on the black suit.

"Do you know how you're going to tell them?" Phil asked, putting a brown coat on.

"I didn't think of anything specific, after all I'm going to tell everyone that Dream died"

"Tommy, still, it's a death, maybe they can react like George and Sapnap" the old man snorted "Honestly, I don't know where his tactlessness came from"

"I... I hadn't thought of that" Tommy laughed uncomfortably.

"Of course you didn't" Phil sighed "Just say it sadly and without sarcasm, and try not to repeat what Quackity did at Schlatt's funeral"

"I will not"

A knock on the door alerted them both and Phil opened the door, revealing Tubbo in a dark suit and a moss green tie.

"Hi Phil!"

"Hi Tubbo, Tommy is just putting on his shoes and we can go now"

"Oh, no problem" Tubbo smiled and watched the clear sky before he heard Tommy get up.

"Can we go then?" Phil asked and the two teenagers nodded, with that, the man closed the door and accompanied the two boys to the holy land.

Almost all the residents of the server were close to the Prime church and were chatting happily, waiting for the missing three. Fundy waved to them in the crowd and guided them to the front, where an improvised platform was set up and where Quackity was waiting with Ranboo.

"Do you think you're ready?" Tubbo asked his best friend, holding one of his hands.

"I think so, he just doesn't do anything stupid" Ranboo commented holding his notebook.

"Thank you for your lack of faith," Tommy grunted and took a deep breath, climbing the small podium.

"Uh... Hi, guys!" he shouted, calling everyone's attention to him, with the right to a few shocked faces, from people who didn't know about his return.

"I have something to say, not a good thing"

Everyone looked at each other and some murmurs started.

"I think many of you noticed Dream's disappearance for a few months, and some realized that it never took that long for him to come back"

Some people nodded, and those closest to the hunter, apart from George and Sapnap, frowned in concern.

The space seemed to vibrate with concern, which was almost palpable.

"I'm sorry to say that Dream died"

There was a moment of silence for people to process the information. Bad, supporting Skeppy, and Ant had tears on their faces, Karl's mouth was open in shock, Sam and Punz closed their eyes, Eret took off his sunglasses and hugged Puffy and Niki, George and Sapnap just stared at the floor.

"Is there a ghost?" Eret broke the heavy silence with composure "Like Ghostbur?"

"Yes, there is, though..." Tommy cleared his throat "He doesn't remember everything, at least not clearly and he came here, but we thought we'd better take him back, until he does"

"As if you know what's best," Sapnap murmured, but Tommy ignored him, he preferred not to fight with him today.

"Do you at least know when he is going to remember?" George asked, almost pleading.

"Unfortunately... no" Tommy said "Not even Ghostbur remembers everything, so Dream is likely to take longer too"

"But, we agreed with Ghostbur that even if he doesn't remember, if he is comfortable, he will come back" Tubbo interfered and faced Quackity, who looked to the other way "There were some incidents when he came the first time..."

"I think that was all we needed to say..."

"Wait!" Sapnap suddenly shouted, when everyone looked at him, he whispered "How did he die?"

A moment of silence.

"Drowning..." Tommy sighed "We found him in the sea, submerged"

It made everyone shudder and George and Sapnap started to cry silently.

"I hope this has... clarified some things, and I'm sorry again" Tommy said sincerely

Little by little, people left, still processing the news, leaving only L'manburg's cabinet members, Tommy and Phil.

"Well, now that we've told everyone, what do we do now?" Fundy asked

"We hope that Dream remembers or that he is more comfortable to come back" Tommy replied

"If we end up here, I need to get going" Quackity said "I need to make sure the group is fine, which is very difficult"

"I think I will see what Eret is doing, he is probably with Niki" Fundy said and Ranboo asked if he could go with him.

"If it is not too much trouble, I think I will accompany you two there" Tubbo said smiling weakly.

"I'm going home" Phil commented and turned to Tommy "Are you coming?"

"I need to do something" he replied and the father nodded.

Quackity walked with Fundy in the lead, and Ranboo stood next to Phil, with Tubbo right behind.

"Tubbo!" the blonde called his best friend, who turned and walked back towards him.

"Yeah?"

"I need to talk to you" Tommy said, nervous "Alone"

"Sure," Tubbo replied and guided Tommy into the trading room, where they both had bad memories about, but neither of them said anything.

"So...?" Tubbo started hesitantly with his friend's abrupt seriousness.

"Remember that I mentioned a friend, who I was with after I ran away from exile?"

"Uh, yes?"

"That friend is Technoblade"

Tubbo opened his mouth, in complete shock.

"T-T-Technoblade ...? But, I thought you hated him"

"Yeah... after everything was... blown up, I had no other option and I ended up hiding in his house, and he let me stay"

"Technoblade is an enemy of the state" Tubbo declared almost resolute.

"To be honest ... you went looking for him while he was calm 'Tommy crossed his arms and looked to the other way" And you know how much I hate to give him a reason "

Tubbo sighed, undoing his tight tie and fussing with his brown hair, Tommy knew he was still reluctant.

"Tommy..."

"Look, I'm not asking you to give me an answer right now, just... think about it a little bit, we are one step closer to having complete peace, and Techno agreed that I would try"

"I... I will think, but I don't know if the others..."

"Don't tell them anything yet, please. We think it's best to wait until all this confusion with Dream ends to focus on that, just... try to discourage any attack that the butchers want to plan"

Tubbo was still silent, thinking, so Tommy held his shoulders, looking him in the eye.

"Please, Tubbo" he begged

The shorter one sighed and walked away.

"Ok... ok, I will see what I can do"

"Thank you very much, Tubbo"

"But..."

Tommy hated 'but'

"But...?"

"Just keep him away, it's not just that I agreed that others can be targets of him"

"I will not allow it, buddy"

"So we have a deal" Tubbo smiled amused and held out his hand, which Tommy shook with pleasure.

"Great, I hope Fundy and Ranboo are still with the others, I wanted to talk a few things with them" Tubbo commented towards the exit when Tommy's communicator vibrated, startling the young man, who opened it and read the messages he received.

"What do you think, Tommy?" the brownish turned and saw his friend paralyzed, instantly worrying "Tommy...? What happened?"

"Phil sent me a message"

He looked at Tubbo.

"He told me that Dream is gone"

_ [dadza: Tommy, please answer me quickly] _

_ [dadza: Techno texted me] _

_ [dadza: Dream disappeared] _

* * *

Dream touched band-aids on his own face, Ghostbur had placed them above his scars for some reason.

The snowstorm increased with each stretch Dream walked, sinking his feet into the snow, but like a ghost, it didn't really matter if it was cold or not.

He lowered the cracked mask to his face and pulled his feet out of the snow, flying over the ground and continued to fly slowly in a non-specific direction in the forest, his hair was messy from the wind and there was frost covering him, each tree trunk he touched created a thin layer of ice, with snowy patterns on top, and he felt a force inside him, red, hot, broken and indomitable.

_ Rage. _

He went through some bushes and felt a sting in the head, he scratched his hair hard and murmured unrecognizable words under his breath.

He felt he was close to something.

He flew over for a few minutes, going further and feeling even more blows to the head, almost considering giving up.

But he also felt ghostly chains pulling him closer.

He put his feet in the snow after half an hour and instantly felt as if someone had shot arrows at his entire body, piercing his body even when dead.

Dream threw himself on the ground and began to dig the icy snow with despair, digging even though he felt the blows on his head getting stronger.

_ He dug. _

_ And he dug _

_ And dug _

Until his eyes found a piece of porcelain.

He dug further until he found another piece.

_ And other _

_ and other _

_ and other _

He put all the pieces together and it looked like his skull was going to break.

_ An empty smile was staring at him. _

_ And Dream cried black tears. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger!
> 
> I made a design for ghost dream! But I don't know how to show an image in Ao3, if anyone knows, can you tell me?
> 
> Also, please tell me if I'm going too fast


	11. Tear me to pieces, skin to bone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream goes away and doesn't come back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is during Dream's missing, it's about the months he was gone but more about his last days.
> 
> Also I changed some things in the fourth chapter, Dream didn't have any important itens with him because he lost it all and I like angst :)
> 
> (Title: Lovely - Billie Eilish and Khalid)
> 
> tw// suicide and destructive thoughts

Dream doesn't remember when he started walking.

Maybe it was when he fought with George and Sapnap

Maybe it was when he fought with Tommy

Or when he helped Techno escape

But he didn't care much.

It had been a long time since he felt anything but hatred and arrogance.

He remembers feeling a spark of joy again when he started being honest with Tommy and spending time with him.

Until he discovered the secret chest.

And his heart ended up filled with hatred and betrayal, and everything ended in an explosion.

He hates himself so much for being the worst person for the youngest.

He can't even think of George and Sapnap that his eyes start to burn

He just wanted to protect them, when did he get off track?

When did he cross the line?

He doesn’t know

The last good thing he could do was to let Techno escape.

He was the friend he trusted most.

And he preferred not to let Phil suffer.

Dream didn't warn anyone he was leaving.

And it was better that way.

* * *

A few weeks went by, he thinks, and Dream couldn't sleep.

Lying on the stars and on top of the trees, he could never close his eyes, unless his body collapsed.

Every time he saw everyone on the server, all the people he destroyed or dissapointed.

_Wilbur_

_Tommy_

_George_

_Sapnap_

_Tubbo_

_Fundy_

_Niki_

_Eret_

_Bad_

_Punz_

_Sam_

_Quackity_

_Techno_

_Phil_

_Puffy_

_Karl_

All of them.

And no matter how many times he pleaded apologizes.

Everything ended in blood

Sometimes his blood, sometimes the blood of the others.

He cried every time, but he felt infinitely worse when all the corpses were around him.

Staining the roses with crimson blood.

He didn't know when to rest, and for Dream, he didn't even deserve to rest.

One day he met a blue sheep in a green field and he cried on his wool for two hours.

Maybe he was being dramatic, but it hurted so much.

It still hurts

His head was heavy, but he kept walking.

* * *

He received a message from Sam in the fourth week.

Sam reported about the prison and Dream wanted to bury himself right there.

He made Sam build a prison because Dream didn't know how to lose.

He made Sam worry about him.

What kind of person does that?

_[dream: I'm fine]_

_[dream: sorry for wasting your time]_

and didn’t answer more.

Dream hated himself for being so childish.

God, he was planning on getting Tommy and Techno in there.

Hasn't he already caused enough suffering for the boy?

Dream sat on the edge of a waterfall and just stared at the bottom of the fall.

He wrote to Bad that Skeppy could return the disc to Tommy if they wanted to.

Those fucking discs fucked his head so much.

And for what?

He lost Sapnap.

He ruined the friendship of two children.

Dream stopped caring when he sent the message.

* * *

Good time passed when he found a village.

People did their normal jobs but looked at the stranger who had dared to set foot on their land.

Dream just wanted to protect himself from the storm that was forming on the horizon and would soon reach the region.

But he left quickly, trying to respect the villagers' silent request.

He took shelter in a cave and waited for the night to pass.

He didn't notice when his eyes closed.

_(When he opened them, he saw a tall tower that reached above the clouds. He climbed it up quickly, feeling the weight on his stomach increase the further he climbed._

_He saw Tommy, staring at the floor that turned to lava, he saw the lifeless blue eyes and couldn’t reach out to catch him.)_

Dream woke up shaking and crying.

He stayed awake the rest of the night.

* * *

Sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he didn't dethrone George.

Would they be okay?

Could something happen?

He thinks of several things that could go wrong, and in all of them, he had his friend's dead body in his arms and Sapnap screaming that it was his fault.

Dream remembers thinking about it a few weeks before talking to him.

He thought they would understand.

But it looks like this was worse than if Dream had stabbed him.

Was he that bad?

_..._

He was.

It’s an easy question, really.

* * *

Another person who popped into his head a few times was Phil, surprisingly.

He remembers that he indirectly caused the death of one of his children.

He gave those explosives to Wilbur because he wanted chaos, but deep down, he just wanted to show that the former president was not alone.

When did he become so fucking blind?

What a fucking idea.

Phil had to kill his son when he first joined the server.

And Dream fucked the youngest son's head.

Every time he remembered he just wanted to not wake up the next time he slept.

* * *

Dream doesn't know what day it was when he felt the snow.

It was cold and wet his pants.

The moon looked back at him, and Dream hoped it was a look of disappointment.

* * *

In the snow, everything became numb.

His fingers were numb, as were his limbs.

He felt a deep tiredness in his bones.

He hid and ran from the monsters that tried to attack him.

He was hit by many skeletons on one of the nights.

He was hit by a creeper explosion

He was bitten once by an enderman.

The pain taking root within him, along with the ghostly pain he felt throughout his body.

It was after a lot of running that he built a fire, which lit the clearing slightly and heated it up.

Dream remembers that all his friends thought he was warm, like a fireplace, now he was as cold as snow.

The green sweatshirt was already faded and dirty, with loose lines, the pants were torn at the knees and his boots were worn.

His mask still showed the same fake, empty smile.

The same smile that Tommy might be having in his nightmares.

The same smile that almost destroyed a nation because he didn't want it to be independent.

The same smile that celebrated all the chaos and destruction.

The same smile that made everything bad and worse.

How much did he look like a monster with that mask?

How much of a monster was he?

_'Just say you hate me'_

_'You don't care about us'_

_'All the problems on this server are because of you'_

_'Why don't you just let me go back?'_

He tightened his grip on the mask.

_'Don't fall for his lies'_

_'He's next on the list'_

_'No one will miss you'_

_'You're being childish, Dream'_

Tears started to fall and his hands started to shake.

_'I prefer to help my friends, as opposed to you'_

_'He's a fucking kid!'_

_'You're going too far'_

_'You are a monster!'_

Dream screamed in anguish and hate, threw the mask against one of the trees.

It broke into pieces.

“ **I don't want to exist anymore!** ” he screamed.

Dream knelt in the snow, putting his hands through his hair and pulling very hard that he almost saw stars.

He was sobbing very loudly and the tears kept coming, no one was there to see him cry.

He hit his fists against the icy floor.

And again.

And again

And again

And again.

He felt his bones almost breaking and the snow burning his hands, but he just wanted the pain inside him to go away.

He remained lying in the snow until he passed out beside the fire.

Dream was as broken as his mask.

* * *

_(He dreamed of a sunny sky._

_Sapnap and George were leaning on each other's shoulders, on the edge of the community house bridge._

_Tommy ran with Tubbo, while Eret and Puffy sat with Niki and Ranboo in the bakery, laughing, Wilbur was alive and playing a song on the guitar, next to Techno and Phil, the two just enjoying the shade of the trees._

_Quackity and Karl turned in circles until they were dizzy, Sam and Fundy were making TNT cannons, Bad, Skeppy and Ant were in a circle, with Bad screaming "language" every time Tommy ran and cursed, and Punz was further away, but smiling._

_And Dream was up a hill, immobile and wearing a mask._

_He lifted the mask a little and felt hot tears on his cheek._

_Dream smiled before returning to consciousness)_

* * *

Contrary to his dream, Dream stared at the stars.

Just by opening his eyes, he was tired. He didn't even know how long he had slept, or passed out, he doesn't know.

He doesn’t know anything anymore.

His hands shook slightly and throbbed in pain, with some blood in his knuckles.

His clothes were damp and a few flakes fell on his face.

He coughed and got up, numbly.

Dream didn't bother to put out the fire.

He just walked, it was what he had been doing for a long time.

He walked through the snow.

He walked on the rocks covered with frost and almost fell.

He walked across the frozen lake and almost fell into the water, hitting his head on the thin ice.

He ignored the pain.

He ignored the blood from his head.

He ignored the voices in his head

He ignored the memories

He ignored the dizziness

He ignored everything

He just wanted everything to stop

He just wanted to protect them

He just wanted them happy

He didn't want to cross the line

But could he make it up to them?

If he left, would everything go away with him or would the problems still be there?

What if he stops existing?

Would the tiredness go away?

Would the pain go away?

The sadness?

The anger?

The hate?

The love?

Dream hoped so.

So when he found the ocean, he smelled the sea and looked at the horizon.

Dream didn't know when he was crying.

He had been crying for a long time.

He had gone the wrong way a long time ago.

He stopped feeling a little while ago.

He enjoyed the stars one last time and let it go.

* * *

It was a cold feeling in his back that slowly hit his entire body.

Dive into the pure blue and simply get lost in the depths.

His eyes were closed, but he still felt the light against his eyelids. Dream hasn't moved a muscle since he threw himself, letting gravity pull him to the bottom. His lungs filled with water, expanding and contracting, his body automatically asked for air, but Dream forced himself to continue descending. His limbs started to spasm, he started coughing underwater and the cold burned his face with everything inside him, marking his skin with a sickly purple.

And with one last breath, the darkness was the only thing that embraced him in the cold.

He smiled one last time too.

_‘I’m sorry’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the angst, is it good?
> 
> Please tell me your thoughts


	12. Run away, but we're running in circles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A family tries to find their ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Title: Circles - Post Malone)
> 
> Also, I know it's in the tags, but just to be clear, Tommy, Wilbur and Techno are brothers, and Phil is the father.
> 
> There's a new fanart! By @wolfy_ono, go check it out! (If you are them, tell me if you want me to erase your name here)
> 
> tw// discussion about suicide

Tommy and Tubbo ran towards Phil when they found him. He looked anxious, his dark wings trailing through the wood, and when he found the two teenagers, they opened wide.

"Could you at least let me know that you were coming?"

"Sorry, we were talking when you texted" Tommy said "What happened?"

"Techno just wrote to me that Dream was gone, and that Ghostbur wasn't finding it"

"Is there any way we can get there faster?"

"Maybe the Nether portal?" Tubbo suggested, which Phil denied

"There is no portal near the cabin, the only one is a little further away. We would have to fly to get there faster"

"But can you take us both?" Tommy asked worriedly.

"I can try, but one of you will have to go after me"

Tommy climbed carefully onto his father's back and held on tight, while Tubbo was held under his arms.

The two boys almost screamed when Phil tried to stabilize his wings, but they calmed down as soon as they found the sea, watching the sky get more pink as the sun slowly declined.

"Did Techno say anything else?" Tommy asked a little louder because of the wind.

"He just said that Dream really wanted to leave the house, but a storm left the three isolated"

"So he ran away?" Tubbo asked, swinging his suspended legs slightly.

"It seems that, Dream kept saying 'cold' and 'alone' all the time"

"I hope he is fine"

"And I hope we find it before it gets dark" Tommy commented, looking up at the sky

* * *

Phil carefully waited for Tubbo to put his feet on the ground to land, with Tommy jumping off his back, Techno was riding Carl with Ghostbur behind him, leaning on Friend and stroking his own yellow sweatshirt.

"We came as soon as we heard" Phil started "Did you find anything else?"

"No, we couldn't even go very far because it started to snow and Ghostbur couldn't go on" Techno replied, getting off his horse.

"He never goes this far, especially since we found Patches" Ghostbur said, approaching the group

"Who's Patches?" Tommy asked, shivering slightly from the cold.

They heard a purr and a cat's head appeared in the collar of Ghostbur's sweater.

"Aw! She's so cute" Tubbo smiled and stroked the cat's head, which purred even more.

"How do you want to do it?" Techno turned to Phil

"We are going to split into two groups, we are going to try to cover the largest area, we do not know if he is stuck or lost

"How do you catch a ghost?" Tommy asked

"Shove Ghostbur in a place with snow falling and he won't be able to leave" Techno replied and held out two coats for the teenagers "Dress up, you will die of cold if you just keep these two suits, what was going on there, after all?"

"Letting everyone know" Tommy extended the dark moorish green coat to Tubbo, who was still playing with Patches, and dressed one of Wilbur's old coats.

"Okay, boys" Phil took Tommy and Tubbo by the shoulders "Be very careful in the dark, Tommy, I know you have a crossbow, use the compass to go back, do you understand?"

"Yes, Phil" the two replied in unison

"If you can't find anything or if the arrows run out, come home," Techno added firmly.

The two boys nodded and started running towards the forest.

"Ghostbur, go with them, but leave Friend and Patches at home, they will attract monsters"

The yellowish ghost nodded and took the cat out of his sweater, placing it on the floor, he kissed Friend on the head and floated over to the boys.

"Where do you want to start?" Phil asked, taking the snow trail from the feathers.

"There is a part that I was unable to access, the lake was cracked and I preferred not to risk it" Techno turned to his father, climbing on Carl "I don't know how the snow didn't erase the trail, but there was a red spot on the ice"

"Dream?"

"It's a little bit older, unless there was a period of time between his death and when Ghostbur found him"

"Let's go then, I prefer to go back before the boys" Phil said spreading his wings again, Techno nodded and guided the horse to run.

* * *

For some reason, Ghostbur was lit, and I mean literally, it was like a dim flashlight, but it still lit the way.

Tubbo and Tommy were holding hands, with Tommy holding the crossbow tightly in his hands and Tubbo checking the home’s compass, while Ghostbur followed a little further.

Tommy didn't like the silence, so he cleared his throat.

"I heard you had a compass"

Tubbo looked at Tommy and looked down, quickly.

"Yeah... Ghostbur gave it to me when I visited you, but only he was there"

"And Ranboo told me it broke"

"It was an explosion, I got scared and dropped the compass" Tubbo sighed "I... I know I was careless, but..."

"You just wanted to check"

Tubbo nodded silently.

"Why didn't you come to visit me?"

"I came, but you were talking to Dream, so I was hidden"

"I thought it was a hallucination" Tommy laughed humorlessly

"And then I just... stopped, I thought you wouldn't want to see me, and rightly so, and... and..." Tubbo sniffed "I swear I would visit you if I got the invitation, but... "

"I know, Dream explained to me after some time, he decided to be sincere, it took awhile for us to talk again" Tommy sighed, loosening his grip on the weapon"then, we went downhill when he found my chest"

"I thought he let you keep your things"

"And he did, but I think he was furious when he realized that I was hiding and lying, now that I know about the fight between him, Sapnap and George, I think he just felt betrayed"

The two were quiet, listening only to the low humming of Ghostbur, still holding each other's hands.

"I heard Phil and Techno commenting once, there is something they aren’t telling us"

"There must be a reason, right?"

"I think so, but still, it's something we don't know and it's something about Dream"

"I think they will tell us when we find Dream"

"Tommy! Tubbo!" Ghostbur waved to the two "This is where it ends! It is too steep to go down"

"Is there a way around?"

"I don't know, and I don't think it's a good idea"

"But what about Dream?" Tubbo asked

"Phil didn't want us to go too far, we will find another place to look, but not here"

Tommy groaned and Tubbo laughed lightly.

* * *

Techno guided Carl carefully, afraid to find a place with a chance of collapsing, Phil was sitting with him in the saddle.

"There's something bothering you," Phil said, looking at the stars.

"It's nothing important"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

Phil was silent before continuing

"Do you think he commi--”

"No, Ghostbur would at least be like Dream"

"Wilbur wanted to die, but still he was killed by me, Techno, even though they wanted to die, it still was different ways" Phil said in a heavier tone.

"I don't think it was suicide"

"Why? You thought it was"

"I've been living with him for weeks, and..." Techno bit his cheek "He doesn't have any characteristics that lead to that"

"So he was just pushed? Dream is not that careless"

"If he was in the cold, then maybe he was weak"

"Techno..."

The pinkish was silent.

"Technoblade" Phil pressed

"I don't like to think that he would do that" he bursts

"And why that?"

"...I don't like to think of him freely throwing himself into the water and depriving himself of breathing"

"Because it’s painful to think or...?"

"Because he was my friend, and because he chose to die, Phil" Techno hardened his tone "Wilbur chose to die because he was insane and because he didn't want to do it alone, because he thought it would be better this way"

_ ("Kill me Phil" _

_ "Phil, kill me, Phil!" _

_ "Kill me" _

_ Wilbur handed the sword to Phil. _

_ "Phil stabbed me with a sword. Murder me now. Kill, kill me!" _

_ "Do it. Kill me, Phil! Murder me!" _

_ "Look, they will want you to! Do it, Phil, kill me! Phill, kill me" _

_ "You are my son!" Phil screamed in despair _

_ "Phill, kill me!" _

_ "No matter what you do..." _

_ "Look! How much work we went into this and it's gone! _

_ "Do it") _

"Dream died, alone, and because he wanted to, because he just stopped caring about what would happen to him, that's why I prefer to think that he wouldn't choose to do that"

"Is it stupid to think like that? Yes, it is. Is it having too much hope? Yes, it is. It may be selfish, but this is the first time I prefer to do this, it is the first time I prefer to dream that my friend would choose to tell me if he was suffering, and that he, unfortunately, had no choice "

Phil was silent with Techno’s explosion, and patted his shoulder.

"I just want you not to blame yourself, and that you don't break even more if we find out that he actually chose to leave"

"I'm not blaming myself"

"Still, I know it's a lie"

Techno was quiet, preferring to focus on not getting lost, and Phil didn't press the issue.

Techno stopped Carl when he saw the cracked lake in front of him and climbed down, followed by the older blond.

"I stopped exploring here"

"I see, I think I can take us to that firmer part"

He approached Techno and supported him under his arms, as he did when he was a child, and flew over until they landed on the other side.

"Thanks"

Phil smiled

The two went on for a few minutes until they felt snowflakes falling on their heads, even though there was no storm, and the trees were covered with a layer of frost.

Techno and Phil stopped when they found Dream, sitting with his head on his knees, and half his body buried in the snow, he even had a little on his head.

He looked like a snow gnome, and it would be cute if he wasn't crying and shivering.

"Hey buddy" Phil started gently and kneeling in front of you, ignoring the cold "You worried us"

Dream didn't react

"Why are you crying?"

Dream was still quiet

"You need to answer us" Phil said and reached for the ghost's hand, ignoring the freezing cold.

Dream took the older man's hand and pushed forward, hanging on the other's neck, who was startled.

Dream started to sob loudly.

"Hey, it's okay" Phil said calmly and hugged the bluish one, which nestled more to the touch.

"I'm sorry... warm..."

"Do you like it warm?" he asked and felt Dream nod

"Why are you here?" Techno asked, further away from the two

"Pain..."

"Did you feel pain?"

"sad... alone..."

"Well, you're not alone anymore" Phil said and stood up when Dream left "I'll let the boys know we found you"

"I'm so sorry..."

"Just don't run away again" Techno said, sighing

"Mask..."

"What?" the two stared at the ghost, who turned to the hole where he was and pulled a broken mask, there was a layer of frost on it, putting the pieces together and forming the famous smile again.

"Did you come here to find this?"

Dream shrugged.

"I told them" Phil said, closing the communicator "Let's go back, we've been out here a long time"

The three returned home, with Dream going next to them, playing with Phil's fingers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!
> 
> Also, I thought about adding Tubbo and Dream as brothers (I would have to edit the chapter 11, and maybe chapter 7, if you want Tubbo to know they are brothers)
> 
> Let me know if you think it's a good idea


	13. A missing piece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream finally recovers himself and apologizes to Tommy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A ghost remember his memories, and also Tommy and Dream sibling time!
> 
> I wrote a flashback one-shot, the name is 'If I had asked you, would you still be here?'
> 
> :)

That morning, the four alive beings and a ghost were staring at the bluish ghost, who was sitting by the fire and practically melting because he was about to enter the fireplace.

"He's been really weird since we found him" Tommy told Phil

"I think he remembered something, mainly because he went to find the mask"

"Maybe he needs it fixed," Tubbo said, rocking in his chair

"I found a glue!" Ghostbur appeared suddenly, upside down, crossing the ceiling.

"Why is it broken in the first place?" Tommy asked and thanked Ghostbur for the glue.

"We found it that way, the frost caught the pieces," Phil said and placed the porcelain on the counter

Dream got up and floated to the table when he saw the mask and leaned against the counter, anxious.

The eldest from there pasted the pieces carefully, forming that strange smile, the mask was now cracked and marked, but at least the pieces had been cleaned.

He handed the mask to the ghost, who opened the bundle of the mask itself, revealing the dark eyes.

Tommy felt a shiver down his spine, Ghostbur, Phil and Tubbo were confused that their eyes were different.

Dream put on the original mask carefully and faced the others.

"I think... that explains... a lot..." his voice was hoarse, finally speaking a coherent speech.

Everyone's eyes widened.

"D-Dream...?!"

"uh... I think... yes?" Dream cleared his throat, feeling like he had a sore throat "it's... weird, I wasn't... planning... to stay"

"What do you mean?" Techno asked, speaking for the first time, strangely rigid.

Dream bowed his head, embarrassed.

"... I didn't... want to go back" he pulled a loose thread from his blue sweatshirt "still... hurts, it's still heavy"

"Where have you been for all those months?" Tubbo asked, taking the hunter's ghostly hand.

"far away... but I didn't notice when I came back" he laughed humorlessly, his eyes watering under the mask "the mind... has strange paths..."

"Dream, what happened when you died?" Tommy asked "If someone killed you, we will go after that person!"

The blonde laughed, his kettle laugh, he laughed at Tommy, he missed the boy, that he proudly admitted.

He admitted how bad he was for the boy too

"It's good... see you okay... Tommy" he said, his tone getting darker "don't worry... there's no way to kill something that has already died"

Ghostbur and the children didn't understand the phrase, but Phil and Techno were in tense silence.

"How did you remember everything?" Ghostbur asked

"I... I don't know, bur" Dream said, petting Patches, who jumped on his lap "I... I think I remembered... just not so specific... and I couldn't speak"

"Is the mask like a key?"

"maybe... it's like a missing piece... like a puzzle"

"Are you ready to return to L'manburg?" Phil asked gently.

"I... I don't know if I can..." Dream moved his hand, which held Tubbo's, to the boy's wrist, feeling the beat, the ghost was nervous "still... it's still like I have hit my head... it still hurts everything, and now I know why, I accepted my death and I accepted everything I did, but... I don't know if I can accept going back... not when I wanted to go"

"If your fear is not being forgiven, no problem" Tubbo smiled encouragingly, Dream missed them so much "Ghostbur was not judged and neither will you"

Dream laughed lightly

"Ghostbur doesn't remember, no offense..." he turned to the yellow one, who just smiled, and he turned to the boys in front of him "it's not fair for everyone to take me back... and it's not fair with Techno too"

"What do I have to do with this?" Techno asked, his shoulders tense and his hands inside his pajama pockets.

"It's not fair for me to come back and get nothing for what I did... while you have the threat of execution" he said, in the softest tone.

The pink-haired looked away, he hated it when his friend said things in that tone, usually he used it when he said things were okay, when they clearly weren't.

"George and Sapnap wanted to see you" Tommy declared, which made Dream look at the younger blond, surprised "They were sad when you died"

The bluish ghost looked back at the table.

"There are... some things... I'm not ready, Tommy" he confessed, resigned, they saw a dark tear falling from his covered face "I dragged them through all the... shit decisions I made... I prefer to leave them alone, they can move on without me"

The six in the room were silent.

* * *

Dream was very weird since "magically" he remembered many things. He seemed to dissociate, looking in empty spaces for minutes or just floating without moving.

Now, he was watching the snow falling outside, sitting on the porch, Tommy sighed and opened the door, going down and sitting on the stairs.

"Uh, Dream?"

The blue seemed to come out of his daydreams and looked at the boy beside him.

"Hi Tommy"

The empty black eyes staring back into the blue eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

"Just... enjoying the snow" he smiled "And you? Are you coming back yet?"

"Yes, Tubbo is a busy president apparently, and now I can finally come home" Tommy replied and opened his eyes wide, trying to explain "I didn't mean to be so rude! It's just--"

Dream laughed like a kettle again, and Tommy realized how alive he looked, even though he was dead.

"Don't worry, Tommy..." he stopped smiling "I wish I could have met you before I left... I wish I could have told you that you could come back, at least that's what I was going to do..."

The two were quiet.

"Why did you destroy everything?"

Dream sighed, tired.

"I was a motherfucker, Tommy, I don't even know if I still am" he let out "I was angry and was being childish, I just... felt hurt and ended up taking it out on you... it doesn't justify it, but it was the that seemed to be better in my distorted head "

"And I wanted to apologize to you right this time. I fucked your head up and only started being honest with you after that, you're still a child, even if you deny it, you're only 16, and even if you were older, you still didn't deserve it, and it's okay if you doesn't accept it"

Tommy hugged his knees and accepted the hand Dream held out, heat meeting cold.

"I forgive you, Dream... I can't say it didn't hurt, but we will work on that"

The blue ghost smiled, and they enjoyed the quiet moment, but Tommy wanted to ask something.

"What did you mean by killing someone who has died?"

Dream tensed his shoulders and squeezed the younger blond's hand even more.

"Tommy... I chose to die"

Tommy froze and stared at Dream, who looked away.

"But... but why?"

"I didn't know how to live anymore, I lost everyone because I distorted protection with manipulation, because I pushed everyone away, because I destroyed people, because I hurt people, because I thought that if I stopped existing, things would be better, problems would go away "

"Then why did you... come back?"

"I don't know... that's why I said I didn't expect to come back... I had already given up everything, I wanted to stop feeling, I wanted everything to go away" Dream closed his eyes "and then I woke up without memories and craving for something warm, feeling weight inside me that I didn't know where it came from, that's when Ghostbur found me"

"Do you still want to stop existing?"

"I think so? I don't technically exist, but I feel things. That's about philosophy, which I don't know much about" he joked, making Tommy chuckle.

"It must suck to feel this way"

"Ah, believe me, it is" Dream smiled and stood up, helping the teenager to get up too "I think Ghostbur should go too, since now I don't need to be stuck to him anymore, but I can say that I will miss the hugs, it is good to feel something warm when you are always so cold "

"God, you are so needy" Tommy rolled his eyes and scoffed

"I must say the same sir _'I don't have any friends, but please Dream don't go away'_ " the ghost arched an eyebrow, still smiling.

"Shut up!" Tommy blushed, annoyed, and punched him in the arm.

Dream laughed as if he had no more air.


	14. Sometimes I wonder how much we are similar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is bothering Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was kinda disappointed with myself, so I'm sorry if this chapter isn't great
> 
> :(

Dream is sure that Techno is avoiding him.

And he doesn't know why

The first few times, Dream thought it was just an impression, that there was nothing wrong, but now, it's pretty clear, actually.

Techno kept going out every day and came back much later, and he just kept sharpening his weapons.

Repeating the same process.

Not that Dream had followed him once.

That was making him worried, at the very least, I mean, no one likes to see the ghost of his dead friend, but Techno was used to Ghostbur.

What's worse? The ghost of your friend or the ghost of your brother?

That morning was the same thing, Dream was writing and scribbling some things on a paper and saw Techno coming out the door.

He waited ten minutes to pet Patches and float out of the house.

Luckily, when you're a ghost, few things hinder you during a walk in the icy forest and it was also easy to hide from Techno.

They arrived at the edge of a mountain and Dream was hidden among the leaves of a tall tree, hoping to have the courage to start a conversation.

It was almost two hours.

Two hours listening to the sound of the stone against the blade and two hours playing with the bees from a nearby hive.

"If you wanted to hide, at least hide yourself right"

Dream sat on the branch and looked in surprise in the direction of Techno, who still had his back to the tree.

“How did you--"

"Your quiet laughs are still laughs, Dream"

The ghost threw himself off the branch and stopped a few centimeters from the ground, Dream approached the edge and sat next to Techno.

"It isn’t so difficult to know that you were following me"

"Yes, because you are a master of tracking"

Techno sharpened the blade again and Dream swung his suspended feet

"Hey Techno"

"Hm?"

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"I am not"

"Then why don't you look me in the face?"

"I do"

"Techno"

The one with the pink hair crosses the legs.

"Technoblade"

"Did you know that there are mirrors? You can look at yourself with that"

Dream was silent and put on the mask.

"Why did you do that?" Techno asked

"I think I already answered that for you. Tommy asked me the same thing" Dream laughed humorlessly.

"You are not taking this seriously. Dream"

"Should I take my own death seriously? I mean, the death of others I would understand, but mine?"

Techno gritted his teeth.

"You died, Dream. You killed yourself" Techno stood up abruptly, scaring the ghost "Do you have any idea that you did something irreversible? That you made a decision that affects people who know you?"

"I know, I know, but it doesn't matter"

"Doesn't matter? Dream, are you hearing yourself?"

"Yes, I am Technoblade"

"Then why? Why? Why doesn't it matter? You could have come here. You could have told me something when we met. You didn't need to be alone"

"Techno, be very honest with me now" Dream stood up, irritated and they both came face-to-face "If you were in the same situation as mine, if you felt the way I did, would you seek me for help? Would you seek me just for the sake of not being alone?"

No, Techno wouldn't.

Techno wouldn't say anything for considering weakness, he was always like that, repressing everything he felt, he was the blood god for god's sake.

He didn't want to be weak

He couldn't be weak

And he knew Dream didn't want to be weak too.

"No" his ears went down slightly and the grip on the sword got stronger "No, I wouldn't"

The two were silent until Dream sighed.

"Look... The decision was mine, and it always was... I could have told you, I could have come to your door and cry, to seek a hug and pretend that the guilt didn’t eat me inside. And I didn’t do any of that... I didn’t want to be a burden, I didn’t want to bother after so long being a rock in the shoes of so many people and… maybe I didn’t want everyone to feel sorry for me"

"I can't tell you that I regret leaving" he said coldly, making Techno wince "And I can't say it's fun to be a ghost again, but maybe it's a second chance, you know... I don't even think I deserve a second chance"

"How long did you feel that for? The tiredness, the guilt, the loneliness and the sadness?"

"I think since I became a tyrant, but I think it got worse when Quackity spit in my face, and George and Sapnap started to hate me. I hated that moment, but I have to say that they was right, and… that’s what scares me the most"

"Is that why you didn't go with them? Because you think they’re right and you don't deserve to see them?"

Dream looked away from the horizon.

They stayed quiet.

"I should have done something, I saw you nervous, maybe if I insisted, maybe... I don't know, I could have done anything" Techno closed his eyes and confessed "I didn't take you seriously when you said those things, and I should have at least asked you"

"Is that why you don't look me in the eye?"

Techno was silent and a soft click echoed.

Dream moved the mask from the face.

"Tech, I know it's uncomfortable to stare at empty dark eyes" Tech snorted "but please just look me in the eye"

Technoblade moved his red eyes to find the black eyes in front of him.

"There it is!" Dream smiled

"You are an idiot, you know that, don't you?" Techno snorted, but smiled slightly

"Sure, but you would still give me a hug"

"Nah, I don't think I would"

Dream smiled more and spread his arms.

Techno rolled his eyes, but hugged him back.

"You wouldn't have been a burden if you had told me" Techno whispered

"You shouldn't blame yourself for not reaching me" he whispered back

They were silent.

"You are very warm for someone with a cold heart"

"Those are the differences between the living and the dead, idiot"

"You should hug more"

"Say one more comment and I'll push you off that cliff"

"You can't kill me!"

"The intention is what matters"

Dream laughed out loud and walked away.

“Hey Dream?”

“Hm?”

“You know you can be forgiven, don't you?"

The ghost hesitated.

"... I know, but honestly..." Dream replaced the mask on his face "there are things that shouldn't be forgiven, Techno"


	15. Cat and mellohi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy receives a gift

Tommy, Tubbo, Quackity, Fundy and Ranbbo were in the trading room, silent as they stared at the blonde in front of them.

"Uh, let me see if I understand" Quackity put her hands on her temples, feeling irritated "Are you really considering forgiving a state enemy, this being Technoblade, on top of that"

"yea?"

"Tommy! I don't know if you need to remember, but Technoblade helped blow up L'manburg!" Fundy said

"Yes, I know that" Tommy murmured "And ...?"

"And? That's a reason for you to go against him. You were the one who hated him the most after the explosion"

"Yes, I know that, but I stayed with him after he left exile and ... you could have left him alone"

"How would we get him out of it?"

"Ok ... don't go unpunished, but at least have the decency to make a judgment!" Tommy said louder, and Tubbo bowed his head, still quiet

"Why would we do that to him in the first place?"

"Because L'manburg was a free place in the first place, Wilbur said that" Tommy sighed "Besides, if you're chasing him, then that means you would have to judge Ghostbur"

The three's shoulders stiffened.

"Wilbur also participated in the explosion"

"But he doesn't remember anything" Fundy replied

"If he did, would you have tried Ghostbur?"

The fox closed its mouth.

"He stuck a fucking pick in my mouth!" Quackity said, angry at the memory

"And he blew me up with fireworks," Tubbo said, finally, and stared at Quackity, with a rigid look "And I forgave him"

"In addition ... you threatened his horse while he was retired"

The three cabinet members looked at each other and Tubbo crossed his arms.

"Tommy already knows my opinion

Fundy sighed, resting his face in his hands.

"Look ... I think it will be fun to have the family finally reunited without being in a war"

"What? Can't you be serious?" Quackity exclaimed

"I don't like it, but if it keeps you from putting up advertisements and threatening to cause chaos, then I think we can try"

The teenagers looked at Quackity, who rolled his eyes

"Okay, okay! But if something happens, it's your responsibility, Tommy" he snorted and pointed at the blonde, who nodded, seriously

"Well, now that we are done with this discussion" Tubbo clapped his hands and put away the notebook that Ranboo handed him over "I hope there are no other surprises that we will need to think about in the next five years"

"Touché" Fundy replied, getting up and opening the door, facing BadBoyHalo, who smiled.

"Hi, I wanted to talk to Tommy"

The four looked at the boy out of pure reflection.

"What the fuck did you do now?" Quackity pinched his nose

"Language!"

"Very cool of you staring at me the first thing that goes wrong" Tommy snorted and went over to Bad "What happened?"

"I wanted to talk to you, alone" he whispered the last part "It's important, believe me"

"uh ... ok?"

Tommy quickly said goodbye to his friends and followed Bad through the server until he found Badlands.

At the entrance, Skeepy was waiting for them, supported by an enderchest.

"Skeppy"

"Tommy" the other waved

"What did you want to show me?" he crossed his arms, facing the two, who looked at each other.

"It's an important thing, Dream had texted me a few months ago while he was gone" Bad nudged Skeppy who opened the enderchest and started looking for something "I thought he was bluffing and I didn't know where you were to deliver , now that I know he ... "

Bad shook his head, chasing away the thoughts.

"Now that you're in L'manburg, we can deliver this to you"

Skeepy carefully pulled out a vinyl record that made Tommy's eyes shine.

One of his precious records.

"W- what?"

"He left it with us," Skeppy explained, handing it to the boy, who was still in shock.

"W-when? What? I'm really confused!" he shouted, startling the two men

"Dream asked you to give it to me? Out of nowhere?"

"We don't know if it was out of nowhere, but technically he texted me and then he was gone"

"And the other?"

"The other? Dream never gave us another record. Just this one"

The other was still with Tubbo.

Tommy sighed with relief.

"I haven't seen them in a long time" the blonde laughed "Thank you so much Bad, Skeppy"

"You're welcome" Bad smiled widely

"There is no risk, so if one comes up, it won't be my fault" Skeppy said

The three said goodbye as Tommy returned to the house, still slightly numb with surprise.

Who knew it would be so ... easy?

Tommy didn't even notice Phil waving a hand in front of his face.

"-ommy, Tommy!"

"Hi Phil"

"I've been calling you for five minutes, you were standing at my door and looking at the floor, like a zombie"

"Uh, yeah, sorry"

"What happened to you today?"

"I got my record back!" Tommy celebrated, approaching Phil to watch him.

"Those records that you had?" the boy nodded and Phil smiled "This is very good, Tommy"

"I need to warn Tubbo! And Techno!"

"Did you manage to convince them?"

"Yeah, it was kind of easy with Tubbo being my support" Tommy opened the communicator "This could easily be the best day of my life, Phil, and I'm not even kidding"

The older one laughed and ruffled the younger boy's hair.

"I'm really believing in you, right now"

"Tubbo is coming over here! I'm so close to getting them back!" Tommy started running and Phil had to shout

"Don't forget to let Techno know!"

Tommy gave a thumbs up while he went to find Tubbo.


	16. The two halves of a whole mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream and Nightmare have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda believe Dreamon is an agent of chaos, not really a bad demon, he just does things because he want it.
> 
> :)

"What are you doing here?" Dream suddenly stopped, his expression becoming stern when he felt the presence of another unwelcome being.

"It's not a good way to greet beings like me, dreamie" Nightmare said, leaning against a tree, both as spirits since Dream's body could no longer be a host "Did you know that you were very difficult to find?"

"I would like to remain difficult to find"

"Too late, then. Tell me, Dream, how are you enjoying your new state of..." Dream turned to face him, mask against mask "...death"

"I was much better off without you" the ghost snorted "How did you find me?"

"It was kind of hard since I was exorcised by those little bastards..." he snarled "I woke up and you were gone, and when I realized, I saw that boy, Tommy I think, announcing his death"

"At least you won't be a potential danger anymore"

Nightmare laughed in a thick voice.

"Correction, at least, we..." he smirked "will not be a potential danger"

"Yeah... that too"

"Now, really, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, being a ghost never prevents you from seeing your people, unless it's a special case, like me, which you aren’t"

"I don't think it's any of your business, Nightmare" Dream automatically took an offensive position.

"Hey! Relax! I can't even possess you, I was having fun but I was bored and you were the only one I could actually do something, I think you and that guy with pink hair"

Dream reached for the broken axe.

"God, Dream! Everything I say you think I'm going to do" Nightmare scoffed "Do you think I would really try to use him? That man's mind is already practically full and you know how much I hate sharing bodies with other things"

"It doesn't stop you from doing anything"

"Of course it doesn't, but I have standards" the demon floated and sat on a rock "Can you answer me, now? Your snarky comments are filling my patience"

"Techno let me stay here.That’s your answer"

"The last time I checked, you lived somewhere else"

Dream rolled his eyes behind the mask and Nightmare felt it.

"I forgot how shitty you were. I remember you begging me not to do anything to your friends while they tried to exorcise you" Nightmare smiled, removing the mask "And now, do you want to be alone by yourself?"

The ghost was silent and the demon pinched the tip of his nose.

"Let me guess, you probably screwed it?"

"If you consider exiling a child and dethrone your best friend, besides the wars, how to screw it up? So yes, I screwed it up"

Nightmare laughed out loud, feeling short of breath. He laughed for a few minutes, with Dream just staring at him irritably, until he took a breath, catching his breath.

"You humans are so complicated that it almost gives me a headache"

"It is not something I would consider funny"

"You're not funny, dreamie" Nightmare cleared his throat "But, you probably have other friends, don't you?"

"The problems aren’t the friends, Nightmare, the problem is me"

"Elaborate"

Dream sighed, not believing that he was still talking to the demon that possessed him.

"Just because I apologized, it doesn't mean that I deserve it, and... I don't want them to forgive me out of pity"

"Hm..."

"Dream, I think your problem is another"

"And what would it be?"

"Did you consider that you are afraid that they will not forgive you"

Dream's dark eyes widened, surprised by the accusation.

"I don’t--"

"Think with me, you may be a selfless idiot, but deep down you are afraid"

"I just told you that--"

"Yes, yes, no need to repeat it, but honestly, you are just convincing yourself of it"

Dream was silent.

"In fact, it is even a little interesting to know that you think about yourself at least once, but to keep repeating that you don’t deserve forgiveness is already being forced, just assume that you are afraid"

"I may not be a human, but you fought with your friends or something, and I think it's normal for you to be afraid of them not forgiving you, what matters is that you talk to them and say that you really fucked up"

"But I know that"

"Yes, but they don't know, they probably think you think you're right"

"I think they think I still don't remember, unless Tommy told them"

"Worse yet, they think you don't remember, and if you continue with that fear of yours, they will spend the rest of their lives not knowing that you know you screwed up and want to apologize. Do you want to wait for them to become ghosts to finally be able to talk to them? "

"No..."

"Exactly, so go and talk to them" Nightmare smiled menacingly "Or... I'm going to do something with them"

"You wouldn't, and you can’t" the hand went back to the axe

"Do you want to bet? I can find my ways..."

Dream took the axe from his belt, the blade glowing purple.

"That's the spirit!" Nightmare patted the axe twice "Well, since I gave you a light on your problems, I think I can go home"

"Home?"

"Yes, unlike you, I have a home"

Dream ignored the joke, deciding to focus on another question.

"Why are you helping me?"

"Well... technically I am your reflex demon, or as the hunters said, dreamon. I am you as you are me, in some ways"

"This is bad"

"Touché, but life is as it is..." Nightmare stood up and stretched "Well, good luck with your new ghost dramas, I'll see if I can possess someone else"

"Away from SMP, preferably"

"Ow, you hurt me without mercy, dreamy" the demon placed a hand over where his heart possibly was and smiled smugly.

"Go to hell" Dream crossed his arms, scoffing.

"I'm on my way" and turned to go, by the shadows, literally.

"Nightmare" the bluish ghost called him, and he turned around to face Dream.

"Thanks..." he murmured

The Dreamon put the mask in place, nodded, disappearing into the dark.

* * *

"Are you sure?" Techno asked, opening the communicator.

"yea...?"

"Dream ..."

“I am, believe me”

“I hope you aren’t committing a mistake”

"Techno, just send the damn message before I regret it" the saying was sitting on the floor, holding and petting Patches, who was sleeping calmly, while Technoblade was sitting at the table, drinking something steamy.

"What made you change your mind in a week and a half?"

Dream stopped petting the cat and stared at his friend.

"A conversation with myself... that's all"

"Hm..." the pink-haired man drank from his mug, suspicious and wrote a message to his younger brother "Do you think you're ready?"

"No... but we are never really ready..."

"I swear to god your philosophical self is scaring me, Dream" Techno frowned.

Dream wheezed joyfully, scaring Patches.


	17. You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream returns to his home, to his family

It was a stark contrast between the snowy north and L'manburg, even though Dream was completely icy.

He put his feet on the bricks that decorated the portal floor and stared at the illuminated landscape of the server, he fixed his mask and hood and whistled.

"I think I forgot how things were going"

"I thought you had a mind map or something," Techno commented, leaving the portal and standing beside him.

"Yes, but... today it's different"

"Hm... ok? Tommy said he would find us to make sure no one knows we are here"

"OK?"

"Hey! Big D! Techno!" The two turn to face Tommy, who is running towards them

"Hi Tommy" Dream greeted him, messing up his blond hair

"Ey! Tubbo, Ghostbur and Phil are already waiting for us. Welcome back, Dream"

"Thanks. So shall we go?"

Techno and Tommy went ahead while Dream was still behind, watching the structures he missed so much, reliving the memories and looking for some familiar face, maybe something to delay the inevitable, or maybe just to memorize everything.

"Hey Big man" Dream turns to find Tommy standing in the middle of the bridge, alone.

"Hm? Where did Techno go?"

"He went ahead, he knows the way for sure" Tommy approached "What are you thinking?"

"I think I'm nervous" he confessed and Tommy blinked twice

"I'm not very good with these emotional things, but..." he hears Dream chuckle "you can tell me... if you want, I guess"

"Nah... I won't be throwing emotional loads at you, but I accept if you stop here for a while with me" Dream put his hands in his pocket and leaned on the railing of the community house's bridge.

They were both silent, watching the dark sky and the lights that they saw from L'manburg a little further away.

"I received your gift"

"What?" he turned to face the boy and saw him open his backpack and take out a vinyl record "Oh..."

"What made you change your mind out of nowhere?" Tommy asked, curious as he put the records away again.

"I don't know if I should tell you..."

"Why?"

"It's not a cool story, Tommy" Dream looked away.

"It isn't, but I feel like I should know"

Dream sighs even without breathing.

"I had dreamed of you, on a high earth tower and the further I climbed, the more I knew something was going to go wrong. When I got up there, the floor had turned to lava and you were hanging to fall" Dream lowered the tone with each word, and Tommy held his breath when he heard the phrase "I couldn't save you"

Tommy was silent.

"I realized how fucked up I was for fighting you over discs that... I just didn't care anymore and texted Bad"

"Yeah... he told me that"

"I'm glad you have them now" Dream chuckled "I know you are going to take care of them”

‘Why are you saying this like a goodbye?”

“Hmm… no reason” Dream hums, smiling under the mask.

"Do you think you're ready to go? Tubbo will start to get worried saying that I disappeared with you"

Dream wheezed

"I think I can go. Let's get this over"

And the two followed the path, a ghost and a boy.

* * *

When they arrived in L'manburg, Dream hesitated.

His eyes found George and Sapnap talking to Quackity and Karl, but along with that, several people on the server were on the podium, probably having dinner together.

Tommy saw his hesitation and took his hand, which he gratefully accepted and squeezed back.

Ghostbur waved at them and the two went up the path to the central dais, Tubbo, Techno were talking to Phil when they approached.

"Hello Dream" Phil greets him politely and Tubbo nods excitedly.

"Hi Phil, Tubbo, I hope we haven't taken too long" Dream says, still holding on to Tommy, who was busier annoying Techno

"You guys almost made it to Techno. I reunited everyone, just like you said!" Tubbo said, drinking his juice.

“Thank you so much, Tubbo. It’s good that everyone is here” he messed the boy’s hair

"Dream! You came!" Ghostbur smiled and hugged him, which Dream returned.

"Hello Ghostbur, it's good to see you"

"Why are you wearing the mask?" Ghostbur laughed “We already saw your face, you don’t need to hide it”

"I prefer to use it even dead, Ghostbur, I get more comfortable"

"I see..."

"Tubbo" the ghost turned to the president "Do you know if I can call--"

"Dream?" he heard the British accent

He froze. He didn’t want to do this so soon.

"Dream? Is it you?" the voice had an aggressive urgency

George and Sapnap.

Dream swallowed and turned to face them.

"George..." he murmured, anxious "Sapnap..."

He felt two bodies crash against him and squeeze him in a tight hug.

"Guys--"

"God, you remember us!" he heard George's tearful voice

He looked behind to see Tommy and Tubbo staring slightly embarrassed.

"I was so scared that you wouldn't remember if we called you" Sapnap confessed in his shoulder

Suddenly, Dream's words got stuck in his throat. He kept repeating all the probabilities of what would happen and that hadn't been one of them. He was in shock, losing his apologies in the heat that built up inside him, and hugged them back, he felt that this was all he could do, he felt the same heat he felt when he was alive and close to the best friends tickled his skin and made him smile against their hair.

He felt alive

Dream hugged them and felt his shoulder get wet, and he heard the wheezing breath softly beside him and smiled sadly, feeling drops under the mask.

"We are sorry, Dream..." George said, sniffling "We should have looked for you... we should have... you should be alive if it weren't for us"

"I was an idiot" Sapnap said, still muffled "I was so angry at what you said that... I didn't even care if it was hurting you... it's our fault"

Dream pushed them away slightly and faced them, hands shaking slightly.

"It's not your fault... I was an egocentric motherfucker, I chose the discs above you and I wasn't honest with either of you, I took you into battles and fights that you didn't need to fight. I always wanted to protect you but I only brought trouble. I never wanted to hurt you George, when I dethroned you, you were suffering death threats, I just wanted to help. And that phrase i said really has no excuse, Sapnap, I was lying when I said that nothing mattered to me on the server, but it doesn’t justify me for not being sincere or for using you... "

This seemed to intensify the crying of the two, who returned to bury their faces in the other's blue sweatshirt.

Dream smiled and he let himself cry together, feeling the warm sensation at his fingertips.

Perhaps he could prolong this.

Just a little more

He met Ghostbur's gaze and the other ghost seemed to understand, nodding sadly

He felt more pairs of eyes looking at them.

His hands got warm, and he saw everyone from the server staring back at him, Dream smiled before gently separating from his friends.

When were they all together like that?

It was before the war, he knew.

He received more people

His family and his home grew a little more

Now they were all there.

"It won't make much sense but..." Dream said in a tearful voice "Does anyone have a camera?"

"I have!" Karl said, taking one out of the backpack and approaching, handing it over to the ghost. The two embraced quickly, but with emotion and Dream felt his head lighter.

"Can everyone get together? Like, right there?" he pointed to where Phil, George, Sapnap, Tubbo, Tommy, Techno and Ghostbur stared at him in confusion.

Everyone reluctantly did so, mostly confused that Dream was there in front of everyone, even though he looked like a ghost and confused by the request.

The server approached each other, making some laugh as they tried to get ready, Tommy argued for not wanting to be in front, while Tubbo pulled him, Sam tried to make Punz more comfortable, Ranboo hugged Niki, who hugged Puffy that hugging Eret, Phil sighed tired but happy, beside Ghostbur, while Techno tried to stop Tommy from cursing, Bad screamed 'language' while Ant and Skeppy laughed, Fundy, Quacktiy, Karl and Sapnap made faces at the photo and George just looked ashamed to be beside the four.

Dream felt his chest fill with a warm sensation and his smile got bigger.

"Okay, so everyone yells SMP!"

"SMP!"

And the camera flash flickered before the polaroid was printed.

Dream shook it and the photo revealed itself to his eyes, he sobbed softly.

The two boys, Karl, Bad and Ant ran towards him to hug him right this time.

His arms and chest were warm as he laughed at the friends who were pressing him, it looked like the ice was melting little by little.

He hugged and talked to Niki and Eret, he hugged Puffy, who cried a little too, he hugged Sam and Punz who choked him for not say anything when he was alive. He even talked civilly to Quackity without having a sword stuck in his stomach like the last time.

He played with Tommy, Fundy and Tubbo, he and Sapnap got involved in a tickle fight, he and Techno had an arm wrestling, he talked to Ranboo and Phil, Ghostbur managed to find a guitar and everyone heard a song.

And he had the chance to apologize to everyone.

He was so grateful

The heat became stronger, not to the point of burning but to the point of being pleasant and at the same time, strange.

But Dream didn't care because he was with his family and at his home.

He didn't care that he died

He didn't care about the cold

He didn't care that he was a ghost

He didn't want this to be a dream.

At one point during the party, he went to a more isolated part of L'manburg and faced the moon and the stars.

Dream removed the mask and dropped it on the grass.

He looked back and saw the same scene he had dreamed a few months ago, when he was alive.

All together and having fun, talking. No wars or betrayals, no governments and no anarchists.

It was just the server all together.

His whole body was warm and overflowing with happiness.

He saw Ghostbur waving at him, in a clear sign of goodbye.

Dream waved back.

And his ghost echoed through the server, from the ears of friends to the most distant lands.

**_"I love you"_ **


	18. remember when (epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things come to an end, but the world keeps turning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The notes and dates aren't accurate, they are based on the SMP wiki.

Tubbo carefully arranged the frame on the wall of the community house, and moved away to see the result.

The photo showed almost all members, grouped over the starry sky, everyone's signature at the bottom.

"Hey, Tubs! This ladder is heavy. You can admire it when you go down"

"Ah, sorry" Tubbo leaned on the stairs and jumped down the steps, almost falling to the floor.

Tommy closed the ladder and rested it on the storeroom, he helped his friend up and wiped the dust off his green shirt.

"Who knew there was so much here! We will never end this!" Tommy complained, throwing his head back.

"It's not that bad" Tubbo picked up a duster and turned to open a chest "We would organize it anyway"

"Yes, but we were supposed to be having lunch with them!"

"It was your fault for dropping that white paint" he narrowed his eyes at the blonde, who looked away and pouted.

"I already said it was an accident. It doesn't make sense, it was just him jumping in the water to let the paint come out"

"Thank God that Sapnap didn't strangle you" Tubbo murmured, dusting off the books "Help me with another chest instead of complaining, so we can finish earlier"

Tommy groaned and threw himself on the floor, opening one of the chests and taking all the contents out, cleaning the relics and separating the materials that would be discarded and those that would be placed in the house to excess and would be available for everyone to use.

The two were in comfortable silence, being lit by the midday sun that came from the windows and listening to the murmurs from somewhere near the river, where everyone was eating.

You could hear the faint sound of a jukebox being played.

Tommy moved one of the sticks to a freer corner and noticed something on the brick wall.

"Tubbo. I found something" the brunette dropped the junk and walked over to his friend.

The wall was smooth even though it was made of bricks, the lack of light hid it well, but it was possible to see a cracked line in the wall and it had a perfect hole to stick the arm.

The two looked at each other and Tommy put his arm in carefully, afraid to catch him. His fingers brushed on a leather surface and he managed to grab it, and pull the object.

It was a leather-bound book, with no title.

Tubbo picked it up carefully and sat down beside the blonde, flipping through the pages until he got to the beginning, on the first page.

* * *

_ This book belongs to: _

_ Dream :) _

_ \-- _

_ May / 2020 _

_ We are starting a new server, and we are going to create a home. _

_ I can sense that this is going to be very good. _

_ There's just me, George, Bad and Sapnap, but we'll add more people when it's ready. _

_ So far our goal is just to survive, but we will have more things to do soon. _

_ 4/29/2020 _

_ We finally finished the first house. _

_ We call it the community house, it is almost in the center of the server. _

_ We deserve rest after that. _

_ July/2020 _

_ New people have arrived... it's a surprise. _

_ Tommy, Tubbo, Fundy, Punz, Purpled, Wilbur, Schlatt, Skeppy and Eret. _

_ This place is going to grow and I'm sure of it. _

_ August/2020 _

_ There is something wrong going on. Apparently Wilbur, Tommy and Tubbo are living in a drug van and are creating something called L'manburg _

_ Not that it is wrong, but I wanted it to be a united thing. _

_ But it probably won't last long. _

_ Right? _

_ August/2020 _

_ I was completely mistaken. _

_ Am I doing something wrong? _

_ October/2020 _

_ Of course, there would be a fucking plot. _

_ L'manburg wasn't enough, now there's Manberg. _

_ I'm going to kill that bastard. _

_ I hope Tommy and Wilbur are fine. _

_ I can't do anything now. _

_ October/2020 _

_ God, so much has happened and I haven't written here for a long time. They shot Tubbo, damn it, he's a child. _

_ I am not completely free from guilt, I know. _

_ I should have ended this mess when I had the chance. _

_ I just wanted everything to go back to normal. _

_ November/2020 _

_ I feel awful _

_ I celebrated the destruction of L'manburg, I shouldn't have, but... it's so complicated. _

_ My sweatshirt still smells like ashes, I think I broke some bones. _

_ At least I can see a future for that now. _

_ Another Era. _

_ December/2020 _

_ Where there is peace, there is chaos. _

_ They were free to be a country, not to burn a house down, not George's house. _

_ I'm going to stop this shit. _

_ I can fix it, I know I can. _

_ December/2020 _

_ I don't know how to fix this. _

_ I'm so sorry. _

* * *

Tommy and Tubbo stared at the written pages as well as the attached photos.

One had the Dream Team in front of the community house, the date and the signatures.

Another had pictures of the server's people, name, age and day of entry, not all were standardized like those of the boys, some being just blurs or seen from afar.

There were pictures of the Dream Team doing nonsense, there was one of the people of L'manburg and their blue uniforms, a photo that Tubbo took in Pogtopia, one of them and of Dream sitting on his back on the bench and watching the sunset on the 16th of November. There were many breaks between dates, usually at times when there was no war, before or after them.

Tommy wondered where Dream had gotten them from.

"So he had a diary..."

"Apparently..." Tubbo said, still half paralyzed by the wave of nostalgia that hit him hard.

"It's weird to know what he thought after everything happened" Tommy scratched his eyes and looked out the window.

"What do we do with this?"

"Uh... we delivered it to George and Sapnap, probably, or we buried him"

"Oh yeah. What did they say about the grave?" Tubbo got up slowly and helped his friend to do it too.

"As Techno said, the body probably has already decomposed, so there would be no way to bring it to L'manburg, but they agreed to make a homage tomb, whatever that means"

"Probably they'll put his things and some flowers, as if he were buried there" Tubbo put the diary in his pocket and put the chest back in place, covering the crack.

"I think so" Tommy stretched "Can we join them now?"

"It depends on what Phil is going to say" the brunette picked up the cloths he used to clean and slung them over his shoulders, down the stairs to the floor below "But I hope he says yes, I'm getting hungry"

"I swear I will commit a crime if they leave us without food"

"God, please don't" Tubbo laughed, opening the door and letting Tommy walk first.

The two were greeted with the wind hitting them and Ghostbur waving them over and showing the food on his brother's lap.

And the world continued to spin.

The SMP sky is always bright and warm.

As if the cold had never existed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Unfortunately, things come to an end, and this is the end of Everything I left behind.
> 
> I want to thank everyone for their support and comments and kudos, honestly, it was supposed to be just a one-shot based on an amazing work by LampLight143, but many people, including the author of Monophobia, praised me and several people wanted a new chapter, so I did it.
> 
> I didn't think everyone would continue to read this story, but it seems that I was wrong and I'm very happy with my mistake. I wrote every night and posted between 2 am and slept happily because when I woke up, I would read loving comments from amazing people. From 1 chapter it went to 18 chapters and a separate one-shot, in addition to the fanart they did, and I'm proud of myself about it, I never completed a story before and this is my first work on this fandom, so it's a big shock know about all the things I received.
> 
> My time at Ao3 is not over, I posted things simultaneously while writing this work and I will continue to post until my creativity runs out or until someone tells me to stop (you never know). I think I'm digressing too much, but I'm very happy with the result and I thank everyone who commented, who gave kudos, who made fan art or who simply read this story, it means a lot to me.
> 
> -Night Shadow  
> :)
> 
> (Enjoy and look for the work that inspired me to write this story, you probably are tired of this advertisement but I will say it anyway: Monophobia by LampLight143)


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